I hate him.

Hmm, well anyways. I hate him; and I don't think I'll ever stop hating him. Everything that once was is no more, I know that-- and I know I dont like him because he's just a freakin' jerk right now. Sadly, even I don't understand why I bother with any of this-- no one does. Maybe it's because, to me, I don't like losing people, period. Through everything, I don't want to lose anyone. A friend can backstab me, and turn back into an acquaintance-- but not someone who is completely out of my life. To put it simply, I guess I cherish everything and everyone a bit too much; I get too attached, no matter what.

Well my freakin' bad for caring about your stupid jerk ass. I'm damn sorry that I fucking worry about how you're doing and if something is going wrong in your life, I apologize for trying to help and console you where I just piss you off. And you say, everything pisses you off? Oh I believe not, your "Friends"? When we first met, you said you had no true friends-- they all used you. And to add to that, I'm the least of your concerns? THE LEAST OF YOUR CONCERNS? FUCK, WHAT THE HELL YOU BITCH. Obviously, you really did try to just forget me, like we never met.

I'm glad I scratched your ugly face off my Purikura picture on my phone. I wish I did it in real life though, since nothing matters to you any more-- your face wouldn't matter either. Your apperance wouldnt matter, your car wouldn't matter, nothing would matter. You yell at me for being so fuckin' techincal, well obviously-- I know for sure YOU don't understand and YOU don't know who I AM AT ALL.

No exact date, no exact time. No matter what-- I'm going to blow your damn mind away and make you regret everything. You're going to look back, and I'm going to be one of those things that will be gone, and never return. Atleast, never return on your side.

RANT! ]:

First off, this is for Emiliez dearest~ Sorry for the lateness on this xD

Okay well I'm FINALLY on spring break! In school, I'm doing quite alright. Spanish dropped a bit since well, I don't get Spanish..but it's still a high B+ so I can work it back up to an A- soon. AP Lit is just... blah retarded. I hate that class, so I slack off. I can deal with one B. AP Chemistry worked up to an A-! Yay yay <3 Thanks to presentations instead of tests haha. AP Econ is a super high A+ because I did well on tests until Thursday. BUT He's letting us do a make-up test and such so, that's better. And AP Stats is super awesome! I understand the class, it's great haha. I'm doing WONDERFUL in a MATH CLASS and I LIKE IT! Haha (:

Other than that, the rest of my life is drama. I feel so empty lately, and even a bit depressed. Maybe because of the whole "break up" thing still. He finally unblocked me from AIM but I hate it...because NOW he explains after 4 weeks, and this drama could've been avoided if he had just tried. I hate how he put the blame on me-- and hurt me like crazy because of it. Although he said he never meant to intentionally hurt me-- and said it was my fault because I "liked him too much", well I'm freakin' sorry I like someone who was my boyfriend. WHy else would he have been my boyfriend? I felt freakin' worthless, and I cried my eyes out when we talked again, on AIM and basically "finalized" the break up. (If you want to read the convo, ask and I'll send it to you. Because I really don't even care *sigh*). I hate how he didn't try at all...that he was being selfish and now everything doesn't click.

He says he's busy, with drama, and has to focus. Yet he's still hanging out with other friends, going to school dances with other girls, partying with friends, going to barbeques and such-- yet he says it's too costly to come visit me...when I could fair enough, pay for his visits to see me (I had always offered, he had always rejected) and you know what, even a long distance relationship would've worked. But he said it "wouldn't be the same" and now he "has no time for relatoinships" yet he has time to fool around with friends and shit. Hell

Why do I even care so much? I hate the fact that I care so much about his dumb ass, when I know it's not worth it. It's not worth it to worry or to ask how he is or to care..but I still do. Maybe because I'm still hoping I can be friends with him-- yet part of me doesn't want to even see him anymore. What is wrong with me...

He even gets mad for me just to wonder how he is. Just to check up on him. I guess he doesn't want to be friends either. What the helllll is up with this. I hate this. I hate him. I hate myself for caring still. Goddammit... I can't wait until I can forget this.