2 0 0 8 R E F L E C T I O N

The new year is mere hours away from begining, and I'm already ready to start fresh and new (: But before doing that, I should really state how this year went for me-- and if I did my resolution correctly (Jk about that, I a ctually FORGOT my resolution and what my goals were...). Anyways, let's see- where should I begin? I think I'll do this in the style that Kurisuti Umma did hers <3 I love you umma!~

[F A M I L Y] and by this, it means immediately related, blood connected, kin kind of family. A lot has happened this year with my family, I guess. I've had a lot of mixed feelings about my family members and such, but I still, deep inside, am very very grateful for them. In 2008, my dad was diagnosed with rectal cancer, my brother is still very unreliable, and my cousin and aunt from Vietnam now live with us. It's a year of many mixed emotions, I can tell you that. With my father having cancer, at first he was very passive-- and even said "I should just die, it's not worth the trouble", but after, I think about 7-8 months or so, he's doing a lot better and I realize how big of an importance he is to me. I really love my dad, and I want to do my best for him.

My mom, on the other hand, because of my dad's condition began to baby my dad, and in doing so-- annoyed me. My mom and I have an okay relationship, at times it's really bad, at times it's really good. So eh, a bit of a change there since I used to be very (somewhat) close (in a sense) to my mom, but now I'm more towards my dad.

My brother is kind of still retarded. He still is selfish sometimes, and then says not to be like him (although at times I am when I go out :/) and says I should stay back and take care of dad because he wants to go out. I was like, the heck? So yeah, our rleatoinship is mixed too :/ but he's just stupid. But one thing I really dislike, is he chooses his girlfriend over his family, almost all the time *sigh* -0-.

My cousin and aunt are pretty good, although they dont ask for much -- or really dont ask at all, and just take things sometimes. It's annoying but I dont blame them because they're not sure if I could understand (My vietnamese isn't THAT bad >W<) but yeah. 2008 made a lot of changes to my family and home life. Hopefully things get better now, since my dad is in better health than before-- I'm already happy for that.

F R I E N D S. This year, I learned how I am with people, and how other people are with me. I realized that almost everyone is two faced except the few people I really do trust. I learned how I'm hard to reason with when it comes to forgiveness, and often I hold things in to those I dont trust and still smile on the outside. Friends to me, are those who I can trust-- those who will accept me no matter what. Those who don't talk behind my back, and would rather address my problems to me.

Like Kurisuti Umma, I learned, in 2008, who my friends really are. I don't have to list them, becuase they know already-- and I'm very thankful for them, for staying with me (no matter how much of a crazy bitch I can become) and for never straying. Although there were periods of miscommuncation, or no communcation at all, I'm glad I was able to keep in touch and "fix" things-- more like "remend", because nothing will ever be like before-- but we can always try to make it even better. This also goes for the new year. I'm being more cautious about my actions with others and I'm looking more into who they are before calling them my friend. And also, those who are my friends now-- you're always my friends guys <3 Thank you so much.

However, those who through around random accusations out of nowhere, and point the blame at others for something-- please stay away from me, because I'd rather not deal with any drama now that the new year is starting. Let it go, and move on.

R E L A T I O N S H I P S Oh boy oh boy, by looking back on this aspect of 2008, I see how stupid I really am, how mistaken I was for so many things. I've learned from this-- thank goodness, and also learned more about myself and how vulnerable I really am. Because of this, I know that in the new year, I'm going to have to strive to be a bit more independent, and that I need to find my true ambition. However, there were times where things were worth it. I gained a few friends who I really do trust from this-- and I was able to see more about people and myself. Right now, I'm actually done looking. I'm simply going to wait until the time is right and when it is, then it'll be so. I can smile for some other reason-- no need for a boy. Like..I'll smile because my dad is in good health, and because Kurisuti Umma, Kei Nii San, Sachuu Chan and many others exist and care for me.

C H A N G E S ; 2009 is the year I graduate, and boy am I ready to do so. Once this happens, and if I get into the university I wish to go into (So far, I've gotten into UC Riverside, Cal State Fullerton, and San Diego State ; but I don't want to go to any of those >W< haha. They were my backups :x) then it's really time to put all those childish memories and stupid "mistakes" (More like experiences that I've learned from-- never regret anything. Learn from it) and to start new and fresh, for real. I'm ready to get my life set, although I'm only 16-- I wish to set a path for myself. My major is biochemistry, and I really wish to have a career in the medical field to help others (Mainly with my experience with my father, I really care about others-- and I hate to see suffering...)I'll be 17 when I enter college, and hopefully with a license hah (I had my first taste of driving yesterday-- it was a blast!)

In 2008, I realize I've become a lot more conscious about how I look. I'm not sure why, but I just do. I constantly shop nowadays (Which I should stop, sadly i've spent MORE this year! >W<) just to be more 'stylish'. But it's whatever I feel fits, never to look like someone-- it's what I like myself. Call me whatever you like, because I seem to get called a poser a lot. But I'm Emi-- or Julie, whoever you know me as. And really, I dress how I want so deal with it and don't call me anything if you know what's better for you-- I just know you're jealous. Ha ha! Just kidding..sorta. Hahaha

As said before, I'm a bit more aware of people and trust. I have trust issues now, and really-- my trust will now be hard to gain. People I meet will be acquaintances until I really can trust them and I know that they wont tell anyone.

ENOUGH WITH A REFLECTION!
How about MEMORIES
-First and foremost, RIP Victor Liu Wang 031508 ; I miss you.
-END OF 2007 BUT CLOSE ENOUGH ; 1st time at CUE with Kei, Kuri and Emily
-First time making truffles & continuously making them for others <3
-JYP Auditions with Sachuu and Kei ; Met up with Kuri after <3
'-Hanging around GG with Kurisuti Umma (Kuri: I"ll bring her back asap! ; Dad: Make it a half an hour more~~ goo~~ have fun~)
-Hollywood Bowl 2008; Hanging with Kuri Umma
-Anime Expo 2008 ; Met LM.C, Kuro and Riku / Hanging with Hika
-Hika & Warren's visit to LA in the summer
-Applied to colleges
-Had various breakdowns, but am okay now ; I need to stop thinking
-Visit to Cutie Fashion with Umma <3
-Late night chats with people <3 Mainly Umma XD
-Prom 2008 with Kei Nii San
-Early Birthday bash at Angela's w/ Tammy.
-Becoming a Purikura and Genki Living addict
-Angela's many many quotes <3 I love my best friend haha
-Summertime Volunteering at the Library
-Seeing Tony again on his summer break from Babson
-NEWSPAPER BOAT RACE FOR ENGINEERING PHYSICS! FAIL!~
-Walking around the mall in Loli clothing for Sami's birthday

If I remember more, I sure will post!
2008 is pretty memorable..wow~

Photo Update!

Alright, this is for Kurisuti Umma and Kumaguro XD. From December 24th and December 26th mainly. Also, photos of my newest necklaces and Tear Gray contact lenses (:! Click for full view of some pictures hehe! (: My scanner sucks butt so uh D: sorry for bad quality scans of purikura! >W<

From December 24th! (: Hanging out at Rowland Heights with Sami, Frances, Yomeri and Derek


Yomeri and Sami watching Derek play a game~ Frances and I were sitting down at the tables when I snapped this picture xD~


Speedzone! Inside the arcade area. Obviously I couldn't take a picture of the track while we were driving around~ that could've been dangerous! Haha~


These two are from my favorite machine ever! (: It makes everyone look pretty xD


Three different machines; four pictures. Hard to explain which ones were what machine xD But the one that says "lovely" was the most hectic machine i've ever gone into!

December 26th ; Purikura with Daryn, Jason, Amy and Mevisa


I really hate this machine xD It's not that pretty rawr >W< but hey it was fun :]


Most popular machine, I think atleast xD I always go into this machine when I'm with a big group~

Tear Lenses & Pretty Necklaces! :3


Tear Grays~ this really doesn't look like me >W< haha


Two necklaces; the heart is different from the ribbon necklace xD
The heart necklace was from Sami, and the ribbon one I just ordered from Soompi :3


Tear grays don't show up that well~ but I felt like being retarded :3



They show up well here though :3 so~ in sunlight = show up more xD


Fat cheeks and uneven eyes xD Puahah gomen for camwhore~

All done <3 Love you guys (: hope you enjoy and aren't blinded by my face xD

Happy Holidays!

Sorry for the very late update~ It's been a while haha >W
Monday was a small party at my friend, Ghawam's, house. It was really fun and random~ I had a lot of fun. Tuesday was a party at my friend Wesley's house and we watched a movie. Wednesday was Purikura and Speedzone with my friends Sami, Frances, Yomeri and Derek. THursday was Christmas at home with family, Friday was after Xmas sales with Jason, Daryn, Amy and Mevisa~ Hehe (: It was fun!

That's about it haha xD I'll elaborate one day if you ask (:
But I've made some goals lately~ Hehe.

I'm going to be patient with someone, and wait for as long as it takes :] Hehe. Amazing, this is me saying this too! But I will stick to it.

Oi!

I have a splitting massive headache right now and cramps that are like AUGHH D: And some aches around but ughh what the crud. So, right now it's going to be a very quick summary since my parents are old and deaf and listening to this really weird video of Buddhist Chanting and the symbol sounds and that weird knocking sound thingy (I don't know how to translate it) is not helping my head ]:.

So today, I took my permit test and I PASSED! So yippie! I start drivers learning uhmm on the 30th! So yeah~ excited. Watch out, even I'm afraid of driving haha! Uhmm what else, I spent my day watching My Lovely Sam Soon <3 then I went to my friend's house for a quiet gathering. We watched a movie and pigged out. Yeahhh ugh

But when I got home, my mom and my aunt, since we're freaking Vietnamese and we have no 'quiet voice' seriously just yelled "YOU PASSED THE PERMIT TEST RIGHT?" " WHAT WAS ON IT?" "WAS IT EASY?" And since I've had a splitting headache for the past few hours, I seriously just said "GO AWAY I HAVE A HEADACHE" and my mom freaking came up behind me and poked me in both my sides, and i'm VERY ticklish and I almost turned around and slapped her -_- it's a reflex when my friends poke me. But yeah i was like WTF BITCH SERIOUSLY SDIOJFWEOIFJEWOIWEJ D< MY HEAD HURTS

That's it. I'm taking a motrin. update tomorrow with pictures
going to rowland heights woo woo.

Too lazy to type

Sorta, kinda, not really haha.
Enjoy this random random clip
I talk funny, I know -_-;
I have a lot of pauses in my speaking :3
I'm just retarded like that haha~

Rambleramble.mp3 - Emi

OH on another random note
MY PROXY SERVER IS NOW...AMERICAN AGAIN!
No longer is it freaking German!
I had Google (homepage) in German for the past month
Weird internet haha -0-

Whee!

Happy Birthday to Kim Junsu! (:

That's about it hahaha.~

Fun Day! (:

Haha, today was first very hectic! Since Sundays are laundry days, and I was planning on picking out my outfit for the day once my mom, dad and aunt returned from the laundromat. My plans were to go to the annual temple bazaar (where they have AWESOME YUMMY FOOD THAT IS PLENTIFUL AND AFFORDABLE! Also very cheap thrift store section!)with Jack, Mom and Tuyet Mai (my cousinn) then afterwords head to Garden Grove and go to Cutie Fashion (Kuri Umma's sister's store xD where Umma works~) so I could help Jack pick out a gift for his girlfriend and also to get some winter-ish outfits for myself and a present for Sami puaha xD

But my mom ended up calling Jack and telling him she's not going since she is going somewhere with daddy xD They ended up going to a grocery store for a while..? Haha I don't know~ So it was just Me, Jack and Tuyet Mai. I made some oreo truffles for Kuri Umma in the morning and put it in a nice box~ Then ran around the house trying to find a jacket, but I realized all of them were in the wash! D: Soo I had to borrow my cousin's xD And she borrowed one of my shirts haha. Even Jack had problems trying to find clothes XD

Went to temple and met up with my friend Lewis. Sometimes he gets annoying as heckk but we're so so friends haha. He kept on bitching about his hair since his mom made him get up early and so he was complaining that he looks like crap because his hair wasn't styled. I ate a bigg plate of yakisoba (No pictures though! I did that last year and Nii-San was going to shoot me xD. I wanted Nii-San to come too but he couldn't ;w; wahh!)

Then we watched Taiko~ See picture~(: [I have a video but it'd take AGES to upload! So...yeah x__x hahaha~] They did about four or five songs? I left after the third one since they were taking a short break xD Taiko is pretty awesome (: hehe! There was also a tea ceremony but my freaking pictures turned out bad D: >W<

Headed down to Garden Grove after I took Tuyet Mai on a tour of the temple~ Shinnyo En is really beautiful ^w^~ Hehe! So Jack and I were just singing in the car on the way there and it was just really fun! Hahah~ When we reached Cutie Fashion, I gave Umma the box of truffles and she was like, "Omo so cute! I don't want to eat them~" XD Looked around and got a few shirts hehe (:! Also a pair of black legwarmers x] Teehees~ Kuri umma and I were having a lot of fun while walking around and I was being VERY retarded while trying on clothes xD Static was created like crazyy so my hair was messy when I took pictures with umma rawrr!

Went home and fell asleep for a bit ~ Haha! I forgot my phone in Jack's car for a bit because I was so drowsy when I got out so I had to run after the car LOL @__@~ Got home, watched TV and got a bunch of texts from Kuri umma xD Apparently she and her sister really loved the truffles! Hehe (: Kuri's sister wants to order 100 of them and asked me how much! I really don't know xD If you guys want to help me calculate, then go ahead hehe! I'm going to try to estimate over the next few weeks ^__^ I'll have time over break so hehe! This will be fun~ (: <3 I'm glad they really liked it though teehees!~

I did Chemistry homework and such~ Oi so boring! It's so longg and tedious! I hope I can do well on the test tomorrow >W< I have a spanish essay too! EEip~ Wish me luck!

Night Out~

Sorta? I'm feeling a bit better nowadays (: I'm able to have some conversation with my crush on MSN and it makes me happy! Heheh! Today I hung out with Kyu oppa for about an hour and a half and his friend Seo. I think that's how you spell it xD It was hard to hear him @__@

We went to American Apparel since I told Kyu that I'd go and buy him a present or something (Since I don't know what he likes, I told him to pick out something and I'd buy it ahha) He's so indecisive @__@ It was sooo weird though ahaha. Seo was funny though! We were going around the store and he was trying on this sweater and said in Korean, "Does this make me look fat? I think I'm too fat for this size..." And I was cracking up :3 Yay for minimal Korean knowledge! Hahah

I ended up getting him this jacket that was...half half color? Light blue and dark blue ahhaa. He picked it out~ Total came up to 47 bucks basically. I'm such a nice friend huh? Hahaha. I'm so broke now-- which is why truffles for basically everyone else :P I'm most likely going to Kuri Umma's workplace tomorrow, CUTIE FASHION, in Garden Grove and going to find some tops for my friend Sami since I owe her an Xmas and Bday gift haha~

Kyu was so funny after though. We walked to Starbucks since it was really close, and since it was damn cold he put his arm around me and was like, "You're soo nicee, omgsh I love it soo muchh! I'm so happyyy~~" Hahaha. But yeah, fun stuff. Seo kept on giving us weird looks LOL @__@ I was laughing a lot today so yeah (: On the way back, Kyu was like..."I wanna give you a big hug!...Before I smoke because then I'll be smellyy and you wont want to hug me ]:" HAHAHAHA. He's considerate in the funniest ways ever. So yeah got a big hug Yup yup!

He invited me to his soccer game on Wednesday against Chino Hills, maybe I'll go if I have time (: ahhaa. He also wants to go to Cue! together and hang out more. Maybe one day, maybe during break. But I really want to hang out with my crush more.

Hehe (: My heart isn't swaying. Is that a good thing?

Melody;

With songs come memories
Either wanted or not
They come along with them.

With songs come stories
Either depicted in the song
Or something that relates to it
That is from life

Sometimes I wish music wasn't like this
Because I'd rather simply enjoy it
Instead of remembering things that
may have made me sad; because it'd make me sad again
or made me happy, because then i'd miss those times.

*Sigh* Something is wrong with me.

Lately...

I've been the most bipolar I have been in a while, yet this time it dips more into the depressed end. Maybe it's because it is holiday season and I'm missing that one special kind of love. Yes, I have friends and family-- but they don't have only me, they have many others. I want to make a difference, I want to stand out, I don't want to be blended into the masses and be one in a hundred or more friends. But that's something I can't control. I am me, and I won't butt into the lives of the small group of people who I really consider my friends to try and be more than a friend.

I know that I'm pretty much defined as boy crazy, but damn these teenage hormones, I can't help it! But I'm so easily discouraged nowadays, something happened to my self esteem. I think of myself so lowly, that I'm too scared to do anything-- that I already set and expect failure so I don't even try. Why am I like this? I don't know, it's quite saddening...I feel so lonely that it's so hard to fix. I want a lasting relationship with someone who fits my standards, someone who will stay by me for as long as possible....but that's never going to happen.

I'm going to be single for life :/ Ahh~ So tired. I find myself randomly crying at night and not being able to sleep. Yay for my emo depressed self.

Failure.

I failed today D: Blah

Elaborate some other day. *sigh*

Eh, Uneventful-ish.

So yesterday was pretty bland. School was whatever, same ol same ol. I had a Spanish test which was really tricky-- I think I messed up a lot T__T Ahh, oh well *sigh* I'm so getting a B in that class and I have a B in AP Lit too ; so ehh there goes my dream of a 5.0 GPA weighted D: Lol >W< Maybe miracles can happen :/

Speaking of miracles, the guy I like is visiting school today. My guy friends are like, just go ask him out! But I can't! I'm so shy around him it's really SCARY because I'm normally not a shy person! ]: What the fashizzles yo.

I spent my night puking my guts out :D Yay! Something I ate might not have agreed with my stomach well (Probably the boba my brother got me D: He poisoned it! >_< I don't know really. I'm joking about the poison...) and yeah :/ I just spent my night puking & sleeping :/ Not so funnn. But I had a hard time going to bed because I was thinking about something I came across after I came home.

"you know who you are. dont like jrock because you wanna hide your true self and be "different". wearing ties and shit form hot topic doesn't cut it. you dont have to dress up or get piercings to be a "jrocker". and those two mainstream bands you like doesn't cut it. if you were a true jrocker, you would know that you don't have to change your image to fully enjoy jrock.
stop being posers o_O

FUCK YOU!lol"

So this was a myspace bulliten, posted yesterday. Hmmm, I'm wondering if this person is talking about me. I wouldn't blame them if they had something against me-- I really could care less but really, they kind of don't even know what they're talking about if it's addressed to me. You can see that from my most recent photos, I'm wearing a tie and sporting a lip piercing-- but did I say anywhere that I was a "jrocker"? That I was even more of a "jrocker" fan? I don't see that ANYWHERE. So this person is just making assumptions.

And two mainstream bands? I listen to more than that. So, yup. If that person reads this-- I'm sorry but you're wrong. Oh yeah, my ties aren't from Hot Topic, that was my brother's tie from when he was a little boy. I never buy ties, they're either my dad's or my brother's. Get your facts straight before you try to diss. And if it's not me, sorry but it sure as hell is ironic that that came up a few days after my new photos.

Anyways, why did I take new photos like that? How about, trying to be expressive. I wanted to see how I'd look like with a lip ring before I got one, why? Because I actually want one to express myself. Because this exterior goody-goody isn't what is true. I'm a rebel, you should have heard my mom bitch about my friend's lip ring-- it made me want to get one even more just to tick her off, because she wouldn't shut up. And maybe if I don't suit her standards as a perfect daughter, she wouldn't talk to me as much. Ohh, yay. -_- ha ha ha.

I don't dress that way at school. Nope, not at all. It's something I do on my free time when I get into this odd mood. If you haven't noticed, yes I'm a bit depressed nowadays. It's hard to explain but eh, whatever. Life goes on. In the words of Kurt Vonnegut, "So it goes". Sadly I'm not talking about death but eh, Slaughterhouse V is a good book :D.

Andd off to school feeling like a sick person :D Yayy. My stomach is refusing everything.

I Just Want You

This has to be the cutest song ever ; or cutest English song~ heh

------------


The song kind of explains how I feel towards..someone haha~

I can't believe how much I really like him (No, not the guy who sings the song! haha). Although it's even hard for me to talk to him, not only because I become nervous as ever and butterflies seem to multiply in my stomach exponentially, I still like him. His smile and his shy personality, it's so adorable, but I'm so afraid that I'll slip up; and knowing me, I will.

I'm up late, playing Bejeweled on my iPod until I knock out because I just can't stop thinking. I wish there were a button that I can just switch off, that will re activate in 5 hours so I can still function for school (which I hate still. I'm falling asleep in classes again~ Yay sleep deprivation D:). But yeah, that's about it!~ Heh~

Gosh Darnnit

I'm so freaking tired!

That is all.

Just kidding. I was up until midnight since I lost track of time while NOT doing my essay-- I was sidetracked with random thoughts. *sigh* If I let this keep going, oi what am I going to end up as?! It's so hard @__@ My essay doesn't even make sense D: Damn Pride and Prejudice :/ *Sigh*

Well, I have to head to school now. I'm so tired, you have no idea T_T

-edit-
Anyways, I love this song (:

Take off the Facade

There are those brief moments where I can express my true self in life, I'm not sure why. Maybe because I wish that people will simply think I'm alright and that I'd rather not have them worry. But does this lead to me, lying to myself? It's hard to tell when I'm truly happy, or truly sad...If I can characterize myself, I can say that I am constantly confused. I can't ever be content because of my demeanor, and it seems that I only sit idly by, doing nothing.

I feel like this sloth that lives life, without really living it. However, when I try to live it up-- I make stupid mistakes that I later on "regret"-- but then learn from. It's a good thing, to learn from experiences that is, right? I'm not really sure how to live, or what to do. Go by the rules, or break them and actually be myself? I feel so confined, and everytime I feel like being myself-- everyone freaks out.

They go, "Is she emo?", "Is she okay?", "She's out of her mind." The way I really am, is almost completely opposite of that facade I put up. But those who still want to stick by me when I take off this mask, are my true friends-- right? Am I simply putting up a test to see who is really there for me? Am I supposed to feel obliged to cling to them, while they give up on me? No, no more guilt. If they don't try-- I shouldn't either. But if I do...it's that trust issue again. What do they want from me, really? Only a few do I know the true answer to that.

This post really made no sense. Hahahaa~ Yay I'm so insane (:

Reflection #2

I wonder why, when I was young, that I wanted to grow up faster-- that I wanted to be a teenager and live a "cooler" life and how much "fun" high school was going to be. I wonder why I made promises and named people my "best friends forever" , although forever doesn't exactly exist and that promises are simply made to be broken. I wonder why I wished I were an only child because my older brother bullied me, but now that he's even barely home-- I realize how protective he really is and how good of an older brother he is. I wonder why I wished I wanted to find prince charming but when I had a boyfriend, it was very rare that he was one-- and the search continues.

I remember when trust was easy and I used to always believe anything. I remember when I could smile and mean it, even in those ridiculous school photos. I remember when people never judged by clothes and you can wear the most retarded outfit to elementary school and no one noticed. I remember when there was not much effort put into how I looked when I went out to play because I "didn't know better". I remember when I spent my time outside in the fresh air biking and roller blading with the other neighborhood kids instead of confining myself in solitude infront of this computer, doing my homework. I remember when the rain was told to get me sick and I always strayed away from it. I remember when there weren't deadlines that could make or break your life track, and that most mistakes were okay.

But now, it seems that I have trust issues with almost everything. That I can't believe anyone without having proof. That I can smile, but you can tell it's fake half the time. I realize how shallow I am, and how hypocritical I am when I say, I don't like shallow people. But then again, who doesn't judge by looks-- it's a first impression. I realize that to impress someone, I have to look the part-- not only act it. I feel that every mistake I make is ridiculed and never forgotten, so therefore I have to be careful with my every move-- making me paranoid. I can't find time for myself outside, but when it rains now, I'm always out standing in the rain, simply thinking. Regardless of consequences.

I realize that high school isn't as fun as it seems, and that best friends forever never stick to you all the time. I know that promises are seldom kept, therefore I don't make any. I realized that my older brother is the only thing close enough that I can connect to when I'm at home-- and other than him, it's only that small circle of friends that I have and truly trust. I realize that guys come and go-- and that I am probably the most indecisive person ever. My prince charming doesn't exist-- and if he does, I'm not his princess.

I don't know why, but I feel so hopeless nowadays. Maybe it's just another phase. Things change, but not always for the better. Expectations are set so high and people are only let down. Why do we allow this to happen? We are humans, we make mistakes-- and sadly they can't be prevented, can they?

Happy Thanksgiving!

Today is the day to give thanks to everything that matters to you, basically (: There are so many things and mainly people who I am thankful for~ I will put up a graphic as soon as I finish my college applications tonight ^^;~ Teehees! This entire thing would be edited also O_O Because of my short term memory, there may be people who I forget T_T And I'm sorry~ But if I do forget you and you know you mean a lot to me, do not worry~ <3 You'll always be in my heart no matter what!

Kurisuti Umma - It's been almost three years since we've known each other, right? Or, atleast three since we've become Umma & Ddal~ Thank you for being there for me whenever I need you. I love catching up with you <3 And I'm sorry for the lack of contact that occurred towards the middle of the year. Yet here we are, still Umma & Ddal; forever & ever ne? You are the sweetest person I've ever met and the most trusting I know. We relate so well and I'm so glad that we're friends and mother & daughter teehees <3 Take care *chuu*~ And always know that I love you muchos!

Elia Kim - My facebook wifey <3 hah! Oh how I love you so much! You're the sweetest thing ever and I'm so thankful for you! You're easy to talk to and you understand so well *chuu* We need to meet soon love <3

Karen Unni - Unni I miss you so much! Although we haven't talked at all this year really, I love you and I always will! I miss you so much and after all we've been through, really~ Nothing will tear us apart! I will hunt you down if I have to puaha! <3 We must catch up soon~

Keii Chu Nii San - Oh Nii-San! You helped me so much this year and last <3 I'm sorry I can never repay you for anything ;w;~ You're the best nii-san ever, really! You're so great to talk to and I'm so glad we got to know each other better over the past year or so ( a bit more than a year ne? :3)~ I miss you so much! School isn't the same without you <3 We're all so caught up in our own things, I hope we can hang out again once more! <3

Sachuu Chan - Although we really haven't talked much lately, always know that I love and care for you <3 You're still a great friend and I miss you so much you have no idea! Please visit soon <3

Hikari Ummanie - We haven't talked much after AX but please know that I really care for you and I hope things are doing well~ After all that's happened, stay strong and I'm always wishing for your happiness (: Your heart is not frozen, I know that~ Stay positive and know that I love you ne! (:

Warren Oppa - You've had a huge impact on me, really! I miss you a lot haha~ You're such a sweet and funny guy (: You can always make me happy when I'm down. Thanks for being there for me, and dealing with me on so many occasions! You're so awesome ne! Teehees!

Tama Joongie - We've talked on and off this year~ But I'm thankful to have known you for so long (: Remember how we were so amazed that we were both Vietnamese and also that you had the same birthday as my brother? I really am glad we talked a lot more and have more in common~ I hope you do well in college and that we can catch up more often (: Teehees <3 I love you!

Sami Wifeyy - I love you so much <3 You're a sweetheart and I'm missing you so much after you've graduated! I'm thankful to be your friend and I'm thankful that you're mine! You're one of the greatest friends I've ever had, and thanks for always being there for me (:

Pamela Hsi - My sexy homecoming date haha! We've become so much closer and chill-er (LOL WTF?) this year. I'm going to miss you if I go off to college haha! I love talking to you and having our random talks about..how totally weird I am (: And how you actually do relate! You're so great for putting up with me, Thank you <3 I la la la love you chicaaa ;D <3 hahha!

Angela Yee - My best friend from CHS! We've known each other for so long and through so many ups and downs, thanks for staying friends with me (: I know I must be so hard to deal with sometimes, but you're always there. Although we pick on each other a lot, always know I care for you and love you (: like, really ahha!

Jason Wu - Since sixth grade we've known each other, and now we're REALLY REALLY talking and such. Thanks for listening to me and laughing at me when it's appropriate, and helping me when I'm in trouble. You're a great guy and thanks for everything (:

To those who I haven't been able to get to know well enough online, thank you for at least trying to get to know who I am. I'm sorry I've been so busy lately-- so this is to all you blog readers (: You guys are really sweet hearts to care about my life <3 Hehe I love you all *chuu chuu*! ^___^

Anyways, today was really fun ^^; ~ It was quite hectic though! I woke up around 10 and my friend form Modesto called me. Her name is Michelle, FYI~ She moved to Modesto from where I live around 6 years ago or more and is my old best friend's little sister. Oddly, I talk to her more than my old best friend ._.;~ But yeah she called and asked if I was ready-- I asked why and she said, "Because I'm coming over now"

So I had to speed clean and then shower really fast xD But she came when I was showering! Haha~ I felt so bad so I got out of the shower really fast~ And we hung out at my house and looked through all my old posters xD I forgot that I had so many! We also talked about music and watched videos hehe! I missed her a lot, and we made a promise that when I can drive and she comes to visit, I have to take her to Cue! Haha (: Ohh memories ne. Pictures up later~

Perfect Guy

The Holiday seasons are coming, and this is not the time to be lonely. Although I have family and friends, there's always that one thing missing...a boyfriend.

But I realized, my standards are all so high-- my expectations are way crazy. I'm crazy. This person will never exist and all I can do is try to keep searching to find out what I want. Sadly, looks do matter in this too :/ I realized I'm so hypocritical...I am so shallow ;w;.

Personality Wise:
- Considerate
- Caring
- Sweet
- Protective, but not clingy
- Supportive
- Listens
- Trusting
- Someone who I can be comfortable with
- Easy To Talk To
- NO SECRETS BETWEEN US
- Understanding

Talent/Hobbies/Interests Wise:
- Sing/Dance/Plays an Instrument
- Is into Jrock/Kpop/Cpop
- Has an open mind to my interests
- Outgoing and likes to try new things

Looks Wise:
- FOB Style (Jrock is okay too!); Mainly Korean/Japanese/Chinese/ etc.
- Perfect Smile - I have a smile fetish :/
- Taller than me ; but no more than 10 inches.

Random:
- Preferably older; but no more than 4 years older.
- Preferably can drive? :/ haha


And so, those are my expectations.
My search continues @__@~

Slow Days~

Things were quite fun today in Spanish class (:, my first period that is hehe. We were doing practice runs for the AP Spanish test. We had iMacs out and were recording the speaking parts and it was so amusing listening to my classmates in my group haha. This guy named Griffin is so funny~ The recording asked, "What do you think of your competitors" and he was just like "No me gustan!" (I don't like them!) "Yo soy el mejor!" (I am the best) It was hilarious! Hahaa~

Statistics was very boring and so was Chemistry. Economics was quite great though! I was so happy because when I got my test back, I scored a 91%! With the curve, that's 99%! I beat ANGELA! If you don't know, Angela is my best friend and she's super smart! So beating her on a test is a huge deal haha!

Serving lunch was whatever uhmm..what else what else xD Oh yeah -_- Freaking guy who likes me kept poking me so I ended up kicking him and shit. And I even threatened him! He's like a total stalker and wont give up. I kept saying today, "Give up.", "This will never happen" and "Don't fucking poke me bitch" LOL -_- I was really moody today owo; I still am ahah!

AP Lit is boring as always, same with Gov class haha @___@ I don't know, I'm getting tired agian. I hope it's not the same problem I had back in Sophomore year o_o eeip xD

That's about enough for today (: Bye byee xD

Karma

What comes around goes around, it's really true. So, remember that ex boyfriend I wrote about briefly who broke up with me to get with this other girl? She dumped him yesterday (: after about 5 days. It's even funnier because his friend, Mike, warned him about this when she "confessed" to him that she "liked" him while we were going out. Mike told Andrew (Ex bf) that shew as "fucking crazy and the only reason she was after him is because she couldn't have him" and that "Girls always want what they can't have, and once they get it they don't want it anymore.". Quite logical lol. Mike is always right about so many things though~

So today I was quite happy, and I even looked happy for once. It's been a few weeks since I was looking and feeling happy and content. It's kind of sad and demented that this is because of a bad happening to an ex boyfriend and his misfortune, but he deserved it yeah? It feels like such a burden has been lifted off though o__o odd odd~ Karma's going to get back at me, just watch~ aigoo ahha.

Lunch was alright~ I was playing this Japanese game on my friend's DS and it was really funny because at first, Angela was playing it-- but she failed and took forever with the first round xD I gave it a try and I was like, "Oh crap, I'm going to be worse just watch.." But I actually pwned her like crazy LOL! What took her 10 minutes to do, it took me only 2 xD. But then this guy, his name is..T lol-- is my friend and he sat really close to me and stuff. But hey he's my friend so I was like whatever. But then my friend Howard looked over at us and was like *raises eyebrows* oh ho ho ;D because he hypothesized that T likes me and I'm like er, NOOOOOOO. So Howard goes and asks Pamela what she thinks and she was like "YEAH HE DOES" and I'm like NO and then she was like YES. I was like, what? No! "Only you and Howard think this...and she replied, "NO it's so obvious! Only you don't think so!"

What sucks is I like T's older brother -____- LOL and I totally FAILED today! I was being in a good mood and also drinking Pepsi-- not a good time because it's seriously like a sugar high and I was chatting with him on MSN XD And..yeah..just look xD

Emi says:
How are you?
xxx says:
tired
Emi says:
You know why you're so tired?~
Emi says:
Because you've been running around my mind all day~
Emi says:
Hahaa~
xxx says:
= =

Shot down by a "= =" face. So sad huh? LOL @___@ Aigoo I'm so hopeless Hahahah!

Anyways, here's two peekturees! (: Did ya miss my face? Hahaha! >W<




Bye bye ! (:

- Emi

R E T U R N ;

Did you guys miss me? Haha!

Many things have happened since the last post, it's been almost exactly 3 months! OxO;. Senior year is quite stressful, I really really hate school-- for multiple reasons! >w<. College applications are also due in a few weeks! This is so hectic~ I haven't had time to do much really...~ Not even sort out my own thoughts through blog! Haha~

Let's see, so far during this school year...I'm maintaining my grades quite well! I'm quite shocked~ Teehees, only two B's and the rest are A's! Kick ass for all AP classes don't you think?~ I need to try to get straight A's! About 8 more weeks left of the semester D:! Out of all my classes, I really hate AP Chemistry! There's multiple reasons to that. Except having to sit next to my ex boyfriend (who broke up with me to get with another girl that he liked last year and still wasn't over. There was HUGE drama over this and I'm just about to kill him soon. She "confessed her love" to him around a week into me dating him. It's...really stupid D:< Douchebag!) The teacher doesn't really teach :/ SOO it's kind of hard haha >w<

Work is whatever, I really need to work up money for the holidays! >w< Aigoo this year is so hard! I suck at managing my money~ *flail flail*~ And also helping my friend Jason with his relationship problems. He has a crush and doesn't know what to do xD ~ So yeah we're just like really close friends trying to help each other out (: Lol!

College applications are stressful-ish. I'm not sure what to write for one of the prompts -- the one about how my community shaped who I am? XD Kind of hard @__@ I'm such an oddballl~~

I've been stressed out insanely nowadays T_T SO I look like crap :3 I'll save your eyes from the horror xD Puahaha! (: Ily guys <3 Hope you missed me~ jk jk xD

- Emi :D

f a r e w e l l

I'll edit this with a more meaningful message later on with a picture and possibly a video~ But basically, this is farewell for a bit. I'm going to put this blog on hiatus for an unknown amount of time. Reasons are-- well, I don't have much time to manage this and some things I guess should remain unpublished to the public about my life. Therefore, what's the point of a blog full of meaningless babble?~

So long everyone, and thanks for reading this for the year or so it was up ~ Ah, you can still use the shout out box and such, I'll still check the page once in a while (:

Also, I actually have another blog but it's more personal and hidden (:

and I change the url every other week since I can't decide XP heh.

But if you can find it, go ahead and read it (: if not ehhhh tough luck xP

See you all until next time, whenever that may be~

- e d i t -



Farewell Video Up . Photos to come

Open Up.

Notes on Life, and my view of it.

Because of so much that has happened to me lately, some of which I do not want to be questioned about ( a few of you know, because you understand. Thank you, to you all -- really. I mean it. Thank you. ) I have realized, or, come to some conclusions about myself and my life-- and what things are.

Sadly, this is more focused, a bit on love, or relationship aspect. Not just love love, boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife-- but family and friends also. My mind seems to be revolving about that mainly nowadays. You can't blame me though, I'm a teenage girl who watches too many Korean Romance Dramas and reads too many Soompi Fanfictions.

My life is a mess, I'll admit it. I'm lost myself with where I'm going, and how I am going to deal with so many things. Today, I feared, why have I not lived my life the way I wish-- what would happen if I didn't exist. What would happen if I died today. How will people be notified, would they care? Did I put my trust in the right people, did I make the right decisions, do I have no regrets? If I died today, I would say-- I would have regrets...I haven't grown to mature enough to accept them quite yet...but then I remembered.

You have no control of your life bar. You don't know when you will die. You don't know when it can all be over in a split second.

But how can you live your life to the fullest, when you don’t know when you have no more time. Why do I still procrastinate, when I know I should do something as quickly as possible. What have I turned myself into. What about the ties I make with people whom I have never even met? Why do I feel attached to these people, when I never have seen them physically? My mind just wanders off and thinks about odd thoughts like this lately...I'm not sure why-- but it just is. I'm not sure if any of that made sense...


Anyways, here's a topic. I don't understand the selfishness of people. I know, we are all selfish inside-- yet there is a limit. I think the line is crossed when you think more of yourself and allow so many others to suffer for your stupid mistakes, yet you continue it. You continue to hurt others, just as long as you are okay. I will say it now, I have no siblings. I hate you with all my heart right now. How stupid are you to not listen to anyone. You shouldn't be in my life now, I hope you leave. You are of no help, you are a user, an abuser, and just a shame to the family. Leave. Dad wants you to leave. I want you to leave. The only one keeping you back here is Mom, and I know you cant stand her. You're stupid, ignorant, selfish. I hope karma kicks your ass before I do, because I'll hit you 10 times harder. Your face, makes me want to stab it with a knife.

Topic #2. Family. I know family is what makes you who you are, and it is your roots but...sometimes it's sad how you want to break away from your immediate family. When you find no more ties, no more holdings to your roots, no true common ground-- no seeing eye to eye...it's hard to say, "My family is always there for me" or "Family comes first". Sadly, this is how I feel...and sometimes, I put my friends above my family, because my friends have become more of a family to me than my own true kin. But there are those certain times, those exceptions, where I will absolutely pick family. I'm a daddy's girl, I'll admit it. I love my dad, and I'm worried sick over him lately. I just want the best for him.

Now, onto...people. I have realized, ha ha ha ha....sorry, anyways....I have realized how we, as people, are shallow. We are a visual kind, and are attracted by things that catch our eye. It's not like we are able to see a person's soul, and how they are, before seeing how they look. But does that change anything? What if you were to meet someone by personality first, say-- online. However, when you do see them, you are let down. It appalls me about how absolutely superficial we are, how absolutely vain so many people are, how focused on appearance the world is. No matter how shitty a person may treat you, you could still like them-- just because they're hot. (This has happened to me, and I just ended up getting hurt. I learned my lesson.) Or, you meet a person who you see only as a friend because of their personality-- and it could be so much more, but you tell yourself, that person isn't up to my standards-- that person isn't good looking enough.

I know you're guilty of it, you all are. We all are.

I talked to Keeter about this, and I wonder-- how much easier would life be if I were blind. How much would it be if...we were blind. To know only by four senses, and not know what the world looks like. To never know how someone looks like, and to fall in love-- regardless of looks. If only that could be possible. We take our sight for granted, and by being shallow-- we not only harm ourselves by putting others down, making enemies, and also being vain. We harm others by insults, and lowering their self esteem.

What makes us think that we are better or worse than someone. It's all about perspective. Something, not many people understand.

Would you like to know a little bit about me? I can't put this much thought into anything at school, but here I am, pouring out a mess of words about life and my opinion of it. I may be right or wrong, but I'm not saying anything is completely true here. These are just my thoughts. Argue if you wish. Anyways...those who know me, know I cannot take a compliment...but did you ever wonder, why?

No, I'm not insane and deny everything just because I can.

No, my self esteem isn't low.

No, I'm not fishing for compliments about how I look or an argument about it that just gets me mad.

I hate compliments, and I mean the ones about my looks here, because-- I want to be more than just...pretty or cute or...whatever. I don't want the physical compliments, tell me something I want to hear-- don't tell me about what I look like....tell me something about my personality, something that takes time for you to understand, something that takes time for you to really get to know-- and tell me something good about that.

I wish, someone really would call me ugly. I'd thank that person, a lot. I actually think of myself as ugly-- not much as physical, but inside. I'm a mess, you wouldn't want to get entangled in it.

But thank you, to all of you who have.

I'll end it here for tonight. Sorry for the long...essay.

FOURTH OF JULY!

Teehees-- Okay, Ripped off 411 update in soompi. I'm lazy okay? LOL

Was Day 2 at Anime Expo 08 in Los Angeles!

So, I got up around 6AM to shower and get ready. My outfit wasn't spectacular, I actually decided to go last minute on the costume thing. I borrowed a skirt from my friend and wore a dress top & vest for the upper part. I ended up borrowing her mini top hat also. Her name is Manisha, FYI, and her brother, Roshan, was the ride. My other friend Frances came to my house at 7AM so we would wait for Roshan to come by to pick us up and head towards the convention center. He came around 7:45 and we headed out . Car ride was whatever, we were all excited about LM.C and also seeing Riku from Phantasmagoria/Chariots at one of the booths later that day. Once we got there, we went to get Frances her badge along with Roshan's girlfriend. Then Roshan wandered off with his girlfriend and I was just with Frances and Manisha. We met up with our friend Pokey and her sister Jess. Walked around and took pictures with a few cosplayers, I didn't do this much because for some odd reason-- it's hard for me to take a picture with a stranger, no matter how hot they are LOL! But not many HOT cosplayers, some okay ones , some good ones, some shocking ones-- and some truly scarring ones O_O; lol!

When it rolled around 10AM we split up. Manisha and I headed to the Exhibition Hall and Pokey, Jess and Frances headed off to the Artist Hall. We were going to meet up at the Ouran Host Club event-- which did happen. However it had one long ass line and we were waiting for a while haha. Then Frances was like, "Oh shit I dont have anything for LM.C to sign". So we skipped the Ouran thing and headed for dealers hall where we got some LM.C stuff for her. I got my 88 single and such before hand when I was in the Exhibition Hall with Manisha. Then we ran all the way to the West End, and lined up and waited for the LM.C panel. It was a cute Q&A session. Maya & Aiji are so adorable in life!

There were some stupid questions-- and what I hated was, I didn't ask a question but my friends asked my questions, and then kept on taking credit for it. After the panel, we had to run all the way to the South Hall into the Artist Gallery to the Autograph Area all the way in the back. I bolted insanely since I only had my light tote bag-- and I told Frances & Manisha I'd save them a spot. Also, I made a new acquaintance in line and he was waiting already since he wasn't interested in the panel much. But no, they kept following and we left Manisha behind. Frances kept freaking out since Manisha had one of her CDs. I was like WTF dammit? God, her excuse of not waiting for Manisha was like "I needed to follow you! I didnt know how to get here!" .... She went back and forth from there atleast twice already! I don't get her *sigh*

Anyways-- got autographs and handshakes, I gave Maya a lollipop~ so I was happy. Before leaving I seriously screeched out, "AISHITERU!" And cracked my voice LOL! I then went to the Exhibition Hall again and waited by the Jungle Stand to wait for Riku! There was a line already forming so, like a normal person would do, I stood in line! But when Riku came there was a stampede of people who just cut, or stood in the way of people trying to take pictures! I was like OMFG HEY BEEP THERE'S A LINE! And they replied either, "FXXK you" or "We're not in line" but then woudl still stay there to take pictures -_-. Then , there was an annoying ass staff lady who kept on saying "No photo! No Photo!" to Me & My friends when others were taking photos! I got really ticked off. Frances was infront of me and kept jumping up & down, bumping my arm and so my camera couldnt focus. I got pissed off. After we got hugs & handshakes-- Manisha and Frances DITCHED me to go running around. I was with my Ummanie (Friend who is like older sister and mommy also xD), and a few of her brother's friends. They wanted Riku to kiss them, but Riku was like "No! You kiss me!" So they kissed him on the cheek-- I did too :x LOL! The guys left and I stayed with Ummanie-- then we went to eat with my Kuri Umma and Keii Nii-San. Nii-San kinda wandered off from me all day :x so I didnt see him much. I mostly stuck with Ummanie~

I ate a bit of sushi, so did Ummanie and Kuri ate a hot dog xD We talked about going to the Cure shop afterwards-- but I wasn't sure if Roshan wanted to go, so I asked Manisha and she was like, "Oh, are they any good?" I was like, "...We're going for autographs & photos with a 25 dollar purchase for Riku..." and she was like "Oh well I'll see". Went back to Exhibition Hall to get three photobooks -- I gave one away to a friend, to get an Autograph Ticket. I bumped into Frances & Manisha and told them that they had to buy 25 dollars worth of stuff that was marked as "Special Ticket Item". But no, they were like "WHAT? 25?! THAT'S SO MUCH! I ONLY HAVE 10/15 ON ME!" then Manisha was like, "If I can't go then Roshan wouldn't take you probably. But we can go eat while you do that, right?"

That was the plan-- that then failed since Roshan wanted to watch a movie with his girlfriend until 9:30-- and so my friends ditched me and Ummanie had to take care of me. *Sigh* That was the dramatic part-- but after I was with Ummanie, it was pure fun! We got on the bus and went down to Jtown. The Jungle Shop wasn't open yet so we went to eat. Walked around Jtown for a while and ended up at this plaza-- I forgot it's name. But there's a Ramen place and a Marukai if I remember correctly. As we walked in, the area is about three stories high, we looked up and saw ... RIKU! At first i was like, Blonde hair...cool-ly styled...*pokes Ummanie* "Is that...?" ANd she was like, "I think it is!" He looked down at us and we waved at him, and he waved back! ^__^

Ate then head to the Jungle Shop~ quite overjoyed that we saw Riku again and will see him once more later tonight! Waited for a while-- then it opened & there were screenings~ Then Riku came along with Kuro!~ I didn't know much about Kuro, so I didn't buy anything for him to sign, so I was quite sad because all I got to do was shake his hand and talk to him a bit. He was adorable, with minimal english he was like "It's uhmm very hottt!" XD And so I just fanned him for a bit. Then he pointed to a price label on his finger-- and was like "I am 15 dollars!" so i asked him if I could buy him! LOL He was like "Yes, please buy me! It's so hot here!" I was seriously going to fork out a 20 and drag him away! LOL XD Then I got Riku to sign a page in a photobook and got a photo with him~. I then waited outside for everyone else-- since we had a big group.

As time went by, I felt bad for Kuro since he didn't have much to sign! I guess Velbet is quite new...~ So I found a flyer and wrote on the back of it with my friend's silver sharpie, "KURO, WE LOVE (<3) YOU!" Then tapped on the window and got his attention by an attendant that helped us xD. He was like O__O... ? EHH? And so we did heart signs and he was like =D AHH! *heart sign back* AI AI AI~ XD I was going to die! So I rushed back in, bought a ticket for 10 bucks and lined up once more so I could get a photo with Kuro! My unnies did the same xD haha~ When we got to the front he was so sweet!

He was like "Ohh! Hello again! Thank you!" And gave me a big hug! Shook my hand, signed a mini poster that he ended up signing after my unni behind me and told me "Thank you so much! You are uhmm.. very -- very cuteee! ^___^" I was going to die! XD I got a picture with him, then another hug <3 and waited for my unnies and a few of my oppas who came along too.

We waited for the bus, paranoid since now it was 11:30PM and we started waiting for the bus at 11PM! The bus didn't come until abut 11:45PM~ Got back to the hotel around Midnight then rushed into Ummanie's car so she could drive me home~ Got home around 1AM or so and that was my day (:

Great memories <3 Great Day <3 and a Great 4th of July, regardless if I didn't see a fireworks show or not (:

here are the photos! Thanks for reading that huge mess! LOL


This is Manisha & I~ I'm on the Left if you cant tell XDD lol~


Chobits Cosplayer-- er CROSSplayer. This is a DUDE xD! What I hated was after my friend
took my camera & took the picture for me, I looked around and like, 5 other cameras were trying to take a pic O_O;
So I ran away :x LOL!


Captain Falcon! ^_^ Lots of people were taking his picture, so I hopped over and did too xD


Sonic Crew! xD


This cute green thing O_O LOL!


Bunnies O_O They look familiar but I dont remember their names/ where their from >__<~


Gloomy Bear~ After LM.C Autograph ^^; In artist hall~


With Riku & then Kuro! <3 Kuro totally stole my heart yesterday!


LM.C Autographs~


Ruki & Kuro's! ^w^


That was one long ass update XD Hope you enjoyed! <3

Reflection.

I cried a bit reading this. Something that somewhat explains my situation now-- or half of it atleast. I feel a tad bit emo.

-----------

Here's to all those girls who used to be his number one. The ones who waited all night for him to call, only to check the caller ID the next morning and be disappointed. The ones who made it through that bitter break up, dried your own tears, and moved on with your life, only to have him walk back in it months later like nothing ever happened. Those of you who cried on the first day you talked again because you knew exactly where this phone call was going. The ones who listened to him say, I only want to be your friend, one day, and the next, listened to him say how much he loves and misses you. We deserve something, and this is our tribute. Here's to the ones that took him back, hoping that maybe this time, he was different, hoping that maybe people really do change. We listened to our friends tell us that we were stupid for even thinking about giving him another chance, caught crap from our parents, and even snuck around to see him for while. We went through the great stage with no fights all over again. We started this out thinking it would be just friends, and ended up falling in love with him again. We wanted nothing more in the world than to hear him tell us he loved us too, that even though things were bad in the past, they would be different this time. And when we finally heard it, it was like we were dreaming. This is for us. Here's to the ones who believed what he said, sat around all over again waiting for a phone call that might come in a few hours, or a few days. Here's for the tears cried and dried all over again. We wanted so desperately to believe that he was really busy, he couldn't possibly call us at that moment, or even that he fell asleep early. We trained ourselves to believe the lies because we wanted to believe we had found the one for us. We learned to SETTLE for someone who didn't treat us the way we should be treated.



Here's for the ones who did their hair and make up and put on their prettiest earrings, only to hear him say that he couldn't see us today. The ones who never believed it when people told us there might be someone else. We just couldn't believe that he could do this to us again. This is for those great girls, who loved him more than words can say, and took him back no matter what happened last time because they couldn't bear to look back on their lives one day and wonder "what if". The ones who hoped he would realize that he deserved better, that he deserved us. When he said that he loved you, but he was in love with her, he didn't mean it. This is for the ones that held on to something that was never there to begin with. This is for us girls, who somehow managed to get him to forget about her, and get him to tell us that he was in love with us again, only to have him tell us three weeks later that "things were going too fast, he needs time." Here's to the girls who couldn't cry to their friends because of how stupid they felt. The ones who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again. This is for the ones who couldn't bear to even tell their mom what was going on, for fear of an "I told you so." The ones that could just TELL that they had made a mistake ever allowing him into their hearts, and their dreams again. We knew that we deserved better the entire time, that we deserved a guy who would call when he said he was going to, one that would come see us whenever he got the chance, one that would really care about us. We just wanted the one that we loved like that. Here's for the ones that FINALLY realized that he never gave a crap about them. Here's for the time that he broke your heart again. This is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, and the tears that turned into anger, then disappointment. Here's for us girls who finally realized that we deserve better.



This is for those confusing days, when you miss him, and want nothing more than to hear his voice, or feel his arms around your waist. Stay strong, and remember that relationships are like broken glass, sometimes it's better to leave it alone rather than try to put the pieces back together and get hurt. Remember the times you cried, and how long it took you to even be able to look at another guy like that. When "your song" comes on the radio, turn the station. When the day comes that he realizes what a mistake he made and tries calling, turn your phone off. When he tries coming to your house, don't answer the door. Think of the broken promises, and the lies, the manipulation and the tears, the wasted moments and staying up all night wondering where the crap he was. Think of how your heart used to jump when your phone would vibrate in the middle of the night, and how it fell to your stomach when you saw it wasn't him, and realized that once again, he hadn't called when he said he was going to. One day, you'll find a guy whose worth all the tears, but he won't make you cry. You may think that you'll never care about someone like you did that guy that you always ran back to, but you will. It's gonna hurt like crap, and it's going to need time to heal, but the point is, it will heal. This is for those girls, who fell back in love with a guy, only to get hurt all over again.


credit: aznxmushu@soompi

Oh Yeah, Just a Note.

I'd prefer it if you'd like to tell me anything that's wrong with me, in your point, just to my face. Talk is cheap, but talking behind my back is trash (: So, just say it-- it's less of a burden on any of us.

kk bye.

S U M M E R ` 0 8

Resolution (:

`001. Find Myself, who I am and accept it.
`002. Get into better shape. ie- eat right, exercise, etc.
`003. Fix my mental health; find my focus and my goals.
`004. Stay on path; finish up Summer Assignments before August
`005. Find time to hang out with others when I can spare the time.
`006. Don't make promises that I can't keep
`007. Speak my mind, don't hold things back.
`008. Watch over daddy <3
`009. Sleep more & get rid of eyebags
`010. Be independent.

Senior Sit Out

Last day for Seniors, I miss my Seniors already. It's heading towards the last four days of school, and today was Senior sit out where the Seniors just get to sit around. I didn't get everyone to sign my notebook, nor did I sign every senior's :/ so I feel bad...>_< Maybe I can during baccalaureate or graduation ceremony, but that's doubted. I hope they visit then *sigh*~

I'll put up pictures once I get them in and resize.

So, also, me and Jason wore the same pattern and same color...White & Turquoise stripes. Pretty freaky lols. Pics of that later too...actually pics later on everything

Just want to rant. Got CONFIRMATION that the stupid girl is really talking shit about me. -_- she wrote in my friend's yearbook, who apparently likes me (and I know.) and it says "Have a great summer, remember safe sex with your whore lover!"

Bitch.

update later

-edit
Okay (: Seniors & Juniors & pic with one Sophomore friend <3 I really hate the class of 10 though, stupid childish ppl who think they're "The Shit" When they're just, shit.

MY SENIORS (:


Fredrik from Physics and Art (:


Soomi Unni from Calc~ <3


Jerry from Calc :]


Caroline from Calc~


Sami wifey (: <3


David Oppa~


Pretty Grace (: <3


Tom ~ lol XP


Krit (: Exchange student from Thailand!


Caitlin from Art Class~


Lexiii from art (:


MISS VALEDICTORIAN <3 Bestie Tammy~ <3

There's more but, I didn't get a chance to take pictures with them all >_<;

MY JUNIOR CREW (: `09 BITCHES :]


Manishaaaaa (:


Pokey-Chan <3


Patriccckkkkk from artt (: lols



Peter Oppa~


Carrie (: <3 Art friendyy & passing period buddy

MY SOPHOMORE (:

Gotta love Whitney (:

MY FRESHMAN <3

Aaron dongsaeng <3 he's going to DBHS next year :[
I want him to take me with himmm lols XD

...special...
MY TWINNIE (: LOLS








This is Jason. LOLS. This was COMPLETELY Unplanned :/ but yeah, pretty funny huh? hahahs (: He's a junior, one of my good friends :]]

Art class elaboration + Selca

Art Crew :]


Patrick & His friend Scott were making water balloons..and...i made faces


Baby 1 :D it matches with me & Jason! LOL


I actually drew this one first XD


And i'm so FLYYY (: LOLS

Here's a cute cap

my best friend and my good friend got together <3
aren't they cutee? :D


Still mad about th stupid bitch, but yeah. I'll solve it soon. This is why I hate a lot of sophomores, especially the asian girls. They're always in a band together, and think they're so hot. They talk shit about a person they dont konw about, me, and believe each other. Why? None of them wish to find the truth, and think they're right. They continue their bitching, spread it around, and now I'm seen as something I'm not. Great, fucking whores. I hate the class of 2010. They're getting egged at a rally next year. Seniority, fuckers. I'm kicking all your asses.