2 0 0 8 R E F L E C T I O N

The new year is mere hours away from begining, and I'm already ready to start fresh and new (: But before doing that, I should really state how this year went for me-- and if I did my resolution correctly (Jk about that, I a ctually FORGOT my resolution and what my goals were...). Anyways, let's see- where should I begin? I think I'll do this in the style that Kurisuti Umma did hers <3 I love you umma!~

[F A M I L Y] and by this, it means immediately related, blood connected, kin kind of family. A lot has happened this year with my family, I guess. I've had a lot of mixed feelings about my family members and such, but I still, deep inside, am very very grateful for them. In 2008, my dad was diagnosed with rectal cancer, my brother is still very unreliable, and my cousin and aunt from Vietnam now live with us. It's a year of many mixed emotions, I can tell you that. With my father having cancer, at first he was very passive-- and even said "I should just die, it's not worth the trouble", but after, I think about 7-8 months or so, he's doing a lot better and I realize how big of an importance he is to me. I really love my dad, and I want to do my best for him.

My mom, on the other hand, because of my dad's condition began to baby my dad, and in doing so-- annoyed me. My mom and I have an okay relationship, at times it's really bad, at times it's really good. So eh, a bit of a change there since I used to be very (somewhat) close (in a sense) to my mom, but now I'm more towards my dad.

My brother is kind of still retarded. He still is selfish sometimes, and then says not to be like him (although at times I am when I go out :/) and says I should stay back and take care of dad because he wants to go out. I was like, the heck? So yeah, our rleatoinship is mixed too :/ but he's just stupid. But one thing I really dislike, is he chooses his girlfriend over his family, almost all the time *sigh* -0-.

My cousin and aunt are pretty good, although they dont ask for much -- or really dont ask at all, and just take things sometimes. It's annoying but I dont blame them because they're not sure if I could understand (My vietnamese isn't THAT bad >W<) but yeah. 2008 made a lot of changes to my family and home life. Hopefully things get better now, since my dad is in better health than before-- I'm already happy for that.

F R I E N D S. This year, I learned how I am with people, and how other people are with me. I realized that almost everyone is two faced except the few people I really do trust. I learned how I'm hard to reason with when it comes to forgiveness, and often I hold things in to those I dont trust and still smile on the outside. Friends to me, are those who I can trust-- those who will accept me no matter what. Those who don't talk behind my back, and would rather address my problems to me.

Like Kurisuti Umma, I learned, in 2008, who my friends really are. I don't have to list them, becuase they know already-- and I'm very thankful for them, for staying with me (no matter how much of a crazy bitch I can become) and for never straying. Although there were periods of miscommuncation, or no communcation at all, I'm glad I was able to keep in touch and "fix" things-- more like "remend", because nothing will ever be like before-- but we can always try to make it even better. This also goes for the new year. I'm being more cautious about my actions with others and I'm looking more into who they are before calling them my friend. And also, those who are my friends now-- you're always my friends guys <3 Thank you so much.

However, those who through around random accusations out of nowhere, and point the blame at others for something-- please stay away from me, because I'd rather not deal with any drama now that the new year is starting. Let it go, and move on.

R E L A T I O N S H I P S Oh boy oh boy, by looking back on this aspect of 2008, I see how stupid I really am, how mistaken I was for so many things. I've learned from this-- thank goodness, and also learned more about myself and how vulnerable I really am. Because of this, I know that in the new year, I'm going to have to strive to be a bit more independent, and that I need to find my true ambition. However, there were times where things were worth it. I gained a few friends who I really do trust from this-- and I was able to see more about people and myself. Right now, I'm actually done looking. I'm simply going to wait until the time is right and when it is, then it'll be so. I can smile for some other reason-- no need for a boy. Like..I'll smile because my dad is in good health, and because Kurisuti Umma, Kei Nii San, Sachuu Chan and many others exist and care for me.

C H A N G E S ; 2009 is the year I graduate, and boy am I ready to do so. Once this happens, and if I get into the university I wish to go into (So far, I've gotten into UC Riverside, Cal State Fullerton, and San Diego State ; but I don't want to go to any of those >W< haha. They were my backups :x) then it's really time to put all those childish memories and stupid "mistakes" (More like experiences that I've learned from-- never regret anything. Learn from it) and to start new and fresh, for real. I'm ready to get my life set, although I'm only 16-- I wish to set a path for myself. My major is biochemistry, and I really wish to have a career in the medical field to help others (Mainly with my experience with my father, I really care about others-- and I hate to see suffering...)I'll be 17 when I enter college, and hopefully with a license hah (I had my first taste of driving yesterday-- it was a blast!)

In 2008, I realize I've become a lot more conscious about how I look. I'm not sure why, but I just do. I constantly shop nowadays (Which I should stop, sadly i've spent MORE this year! >W<) just to be more 'stylish'. But it's whatever I feel fits, never to look like someone-- it's what I like myself. Call me whatever you like, because I seem to get called a poser a lot. But I'm Emi-- or Julie, whoever you know me as. And really, I dress how I want so deal with it and don't call me anything if you know what's better for you-- I just know you're jealous. Ha ha! Just kidding..sorta. Hahaha

As said before, I'm a bit more aware of people and trust. I have trust issues now, and really-- my trust will now be hard to gain. People I meet will be acquaintances until I really can trust them and I know that they wont tell anyone.

ENOUGH WITH A REFLECTION!
How about MEMORIES
-First and foremost, RIP Victor Liu Wang 031508 ; I miss you.
-END OF 2007 BUT CLOSE ENOUGH ; 1st time at CUE with Kei, Kuri and Emily
-First time making truffles & continuously making them for others <3
-JYP Auditions with Sachuu and Kei ; Met up with Kuri after <3
'-Hanging around GG with Kurisuti Umma (Kuri: I"ll bring her back asap! ; Dad: Make it a half an hour more~~ goo~~ have fun~)
-Hollywood Bowl 2008; Hanging with Kuri Umma
-Anime Expo 2008 ; Met LM.C, Kuro and Riku / Hanging with Hika
-Hika & Warren's visit to LA in the summer
-Applied to colleges
-Had various breakdowns, but am okay now ; I need to stop thinking
-Visit to Cutie Fashion with Umma <3
-Late night chats with people <3 Mainly Umma XD
-Prom 2008 with Kei Nii San
-Early Birthday bash at Angela's w/ Tammy.
-Becoming a Purikura and Genki Living addict
-Angela's many many quotes <3 I love my best friend haha
-Summertime Volunteering at the Library
-Seeing Tony again on his summer break from Babson
-NEWSPAPER BOAT RACE FOR ENGINEERING PHYSICS! FAIL!~
-Walking around the mall in Loli clothing for Sami's birthday

If I remember more, I sure will post!
2008 is pretty memorable..wow~

Photo Update!

Alright, this is for Kurisuti Umma and Kumaguro XD. From December 24th and December 26th mainly. Also, photos of my newest necklaces and Tear Gray contact lenses (:! Click for full view of some pictures hehe! (: My scanner sucks butt so uh D: sorry for bad quality scans of purikura! >W<

From December 24th! (: Hanging out at Rowland Heights with Sami, Frances, Yomeri and Derek


Yomeri and Sami watching Derek play a game~ Frances and I were sitting down at the tables when I snapped this picture xD~


Speedzone! Inside the arcade area. Obviously I couldn't take a picture of the track while we were driving around~ that could've been dangerous! Haha~


These two are from my favorite machine ever! (: It makes everyone look pretty xD


Three different machines; four pictures. Hard to explain which ones were what machine xD But the one that says "lovely" was the most hectic machine i've ever gone into!

December 26th ; Purikura with Daryn, Jason, Amy and Mevisa


I really hate this machine xD It's not that pretty rawr >W< but hey it was fun :]


Most popular machine, I think atleast xD I always go into this machine when I'm with a big group~

Tear Lenses & Pretty Necklaces! :3


Tear Grays~ this really doesn't look like me >W< haha


Two necklaces; the heart is different from the ribbon necklace xD
The heart necklace was from Sami, and the ribbon one I just ordered from Soompi :3


Tear grays don't show up that well~ but I felt like being retarded :3



They show up well here though :3 so~ in sunlight = show up more xD


Fat cheeks and uneven eyes xD Puahah gomen for camwhore~

All done <3 Love you guys (: hope you enjoy and aren't blinded by my face xD

Happy Holidays!

Sorry for the very late update~ It's been a while haha >W
Monday was a small party at my friend, Ghawam's, house. It was really fun and random~ I had a lot of fun. Tuesday was a party at my friend Wesley's house and we watched a movie. Wednesday was Purikura and Speedzone with my friends Sami, Frances, Yomeri and Derek. THursday was Christmas at home with family, Friday was after Xmas sales with Jason, Daryn, Amy and Mevisa~ Hehe (: It was fun!

That's about it haha xD I'll elaborate one day if you ask (:
But I've made some goals lately~ Hehe.

I'm going to be patient with someone, and wait for as long as it takes :] Hehe. Amazing, this is me saying this too! But I will stick to it.

Oi!

I have a splitting massive headache right now and cramps that are like AUGHH D: And some aches around but ughh what the crud. So, right now it's going to be a very quick summary since my parents are old and deaf and listening to this really weird video of Buddhist Chanting and the symbol sounds and that weird knocking sound thingy (I don't know how to translate it) is not helping my head ]:.

So today, I took my permit test and I PASSED! So yippie! I start drivers learning uhmm on the 30th! So yeah~ excited. Watch out, even I'm afraid of driving haha! Uhmm what else, I spent my day watching My Lovely Sam Soon <3 then I went to my friend's house for a quiet gathering. We watched a movie and pigged out. Yeahhh ugh

But when I got home, my mom and my aunt, since we're freaking Vietnamese and we have no 'quiet voice' seriously just yelled "YOU PASSED THE PERMIT TEST RIGHT?" " WHAT WAS ON IT?" "WAS IT EASY?" And since I've had a splitting headache for the past few hours, I seriously just said "GO AWAY I HAVE A HEADACHE" and my mom freaking came up behind me and poked me in both my sides, and i'm VERY ticklish and I almost turned around and slapped her -_- it's a reflex when my friends poke me. But yeah i was like WTF BITCH SERIOUSLY SDIOJFWEOIFJEWOIWEJ D< MY HEAD HURTS

That's it. I'm taking a motrin. update tomorrow with pictures
going to rowland heights woo woo.

Too lazy to type

Sorta, kinda, not really haha.
Enjoy this random random clip
I talk funny, I know -_-;
I have a lot of pauses in my speaking :3
I'm just retarded like that haha~

Rambleramble.mp3 - Emi

OH on another random note
MY PROXY SERVER IS NOW...AMERICAN AGAIN!
No longer is it freaking German!
I had Google (homepage) in German for the past month
Weird internet haha -0-

Whee!

Happy Birthday to Kim Junsu! (:

That's about it hahaha.~

Fun Day! (:

Haha, today was first very hectic! Since Sundays are laundry days, and I was planning on picking out my outfit for the day once my mom, dad and aunt returned from the laundromat. My plans were to go to the annual temple bazaar (where they have AWESOME YUMMY FOOD THAT IS PLENTIFUL AND AFFORDABLE! Also very cheap thrift store section!)with Jack, Mom and Tuyet Mai (my cousinn) then afterwords head to Garden Grove and go to Cutie Fashion (Kuri Umma's sister's store xD where Umma works~) so I could help Jack pick out a gift for his girlfriend and also to get some winter-ish outfits for myself and a present for Sami puaha xD

But my mom ended up calling Jack and telling him she's not going since she is going somewhere with daddy xD They ended up going to a grocery store for a while..? Haha I don't know~ So it was just Me, Jack and Tuyet Mai. I made some oreo truffles for Kuri Umma in the morning and put it in a nice box~ Then ran around the house trying to find a jacket, but I realized all of them were in the wash! D: Soo I had to borrow my cousin's xD And she borrowed one of my shirts haha. Even Jack had problems trying to find clothes XD

Went to temple and met up with my friend Lewis. Sometimes he gets annoying as heckk but we're so so friends haha. He kept on bitching about his hair since his mom made him get up early and so he was complaining that he looks like crap because his hair wasn't styled. I ate a bigg plate of yakisoba (No pictures though! I did that last year and Nii-San was going to shoot me xD. I wanted Nii-San to come too but he couldn't ;w; wahh!)

Then we watched Taiko~ See picture~(: [I have a video but it'd take AGES to upload! So...yeah x__x hahaha~] They did about four or five songs? I left after the third one since they were taking a short break xD Taiko is pretty awesome (: hehe! There was also a tea ceremony but my freaking pictures turned out bad D: >W<

Headed down to Garden Grove after I took Tuyet Mai on a tour of the temple~ Shinnyo En is really beautiful ^w^~ Hehe! So Jack and I were just singing in the car on the way there and it was just really fun! Hahah~ When we reached Cutie Fashion, I gave Umma the box of truffles and she was like, "Omo so cute! I don't want to eat them~" XD Looked around and got a few shirts hehe (:! Also a pair of black legwarmers x] Teehees~ Kuri umma and I were having a lot of fun while walking around and I was being VERY retarded while trying on clothes xD Static was created like crazyy so my hair was messy when I took pictures with umma rawrr!

Went home and fell asleep for a bit ~ Haha! I forgot my phone in Jack's car for a bit because I was so drowsy when I got out so I had to run after the car LOL @__@~ Got home, watched TV and got a bunch of texts from Kuri umma xD Apparently she and her sister really loved the truffles! Hehe (: Kuri's sister wants to order 100 of them and asked me how much! I really don't know xD If you guys want to help me calculate, then go ahead hehe! I'm going to try to estimate over the next few weeks ^__^ I'll have time over break so hehe! This will be fun~ (: <3 I'm glad they really liked it though teehees!~

I did Chemistry homework and such~ Oi so boring! It's so longg and tedious! I hope I can do well on the test tomorrow >W< I have a spanish essay too! EEip~ Wish me luck!

Night Out~

Sorta? I'm feeling a bit better nowadays (: I'm able to have some conversation with my crush on MSN and it makes me happy! Heheh! Today I hung out with Kyu oppa for about an hour and a half and his friend Seo. I think that's how you spell it xD It was hard to hear him @__@

We went to American Apparel since I told Kyu that I'd go and buy him a present or something (Since I don't know what he likes, I told him to pick out something and I'd buy it ahha) He's so indecisive @__@ It was sooo weird though ahaha. Seo was funny though! We were going around the store and he was trying on this sweater and said in Korean, "Does this make me look fat? I think I'm too fat for this size..." And I was cracking up :3 Yay for minimal Korean knowledge! Hahah

I ended up getting him this jacket that was...half half color? Light blue and dark blue ahhaa. He picked it out~ Total came up to 47 bucks basically. I'm such a nice friend huh? Hahaha. I'm so broke now-- which is why truffles for basically everyone else :P I'm most likely going to Kuri Umma's workplace tomorrow, CUTIE FASHION, in Garden Grove and going to find some tops for my friend Sami since I owe her an Xmas and Bday gift haha~

Kyu was so funny after though. We walked to Starbucks since it was really close, and since it was damn cold he put his arm around me and was like, "You're soo nicee, omgsh I love it soo muchh! I'm so happyyy~~" Hahaha. But yeah, fun stuff. Seo kept on giving us weird looks LOL @__@ I was laughing a lot today so yeah (: On the way back, Kyu was like..."I wanna give you a big hug!...Before I smoke because then I'll be smellyy and you wont want to hug me ]:" HAHAHAHA. He's considerate in the funniest ways ever. So yeah got a big hug Yup yup!

He invited me to his soccer game on Wednesday against Chino Hills, maybe I'll go if I have time (: ahhaa. He also wants to go to Cue! together and hang out more. Maybe one day, maybe during break. But I really want to hang out with my crush more.

Hehe (: My heart isn't swaying. Is that a good thing?

Melody;

With songs come memories
Either wanted or not
They come along with them.

With songs come stories
Either depicted in the song
Or something that relates to it
That is from life

Sometimes I wish music wasn't like this
Because I'd rather simply enjoy it
Instead of remembering things that
may have made me sad; because it'd make me sad again
or made me happy, because then i'd miss those times.

*Sigh* Something is wrong with me.

Lately...

I've been the most bipolar I have been in a while, yet this time it dips more into the depressed end. Maybe it's because it is holiday season and I'm missing that one special kind of love. Yes, I have friends and family-- but they don't have only me, they have many others. I want to make a difference, I want to stand out, I don't want to be blended into the masses and be one in a hundred or more friends. But that's something I can't control. I am me, and I won't butt into the lives of the small group of people who I really consider my friends to try and be more than a friend.

I know that I'm pretty much defined as boy crazy, but damn these teenage hormones, I can't help it! But I'm so easily discouraged nowadays, something happened to my self esteem. I think of myself so lowly, that I'm too scared to do anything-- that I already set and expect failure so I don't even try. Why am I like this? I don't know, it's quite saddening...I feel so lonely that it's so hard to fix. I want a lasting relationship with someone who fits my standards, someone who will stay by me for as long as possible....but that's never going to happen.

I'm going to be single for life :/ Ahh~ So tired. I find myself randomly crying at night and not being able to sleep. Yay for my emo depressed self.

Failure.

I failed today D: Blah

Elaborate some other day. *sigh*

Eh, Uneventful-ish.

So yesterday was pretty bland. School was whatever, same ol same ol. I had a Spanish test which was really tricky-- I think I messed up a lot T__T Ahh, oh well *sigh* I'm so getting a B in that class and I have a B in AP Lit too ; so ehh there goes my dream of a 5.0 GPA weighted D: Lol >W< Maybe miracles can happen :/

Speaking of miracles, the guy I like is visiting school today. My guy friends are like, just go ask him out! But I can't! I'm so shy around him it's really SCARY because I'm normally not a shy person! ]: What the fashizzles yo.

I spent my night puking my guts out :D Yay! Something I ate might not have agreed with my stomach well (Probably the boba my brother got me D: He poisoned it! >_< I don't know really. I'm joking about the poison...) and yeah :/ I just spent my night puking & sleeping :/ Not so funnn. But I had a hard time going to bed because I was thinking about something I came across after I came home.

"you know who you are. dont like jrock because you wanna hide your true self and be "different". wearing ties and shit form hot topic doesn't cut it. you dont have to dress up or get piercings to be a "jrocker". and those two mainstream bands you like doesn't cut it. if you were a true jrocker, you would know that you don't have to change your image to fully enjoy jrock.
stop being posers o_O

FUCK YOU!lol"

So this was a myspace bulliten, posted yesterday. Hmmm, I'm wondering if this person is talking about me. I wouldn't blame them if they had something against me-- I really could care less but really, they kind of don't even know what they're talking about if it's addressed to me. You can see that from my most recent photos, I'm wearing a tie and sporting a lip piercing-- but did I say anywhere that I was a "jrocker"? That I was even more of a "jrocker" fan? I don't see that ANYWHERE. So this person is just making assumptions.

And two mainstream bands? I listen to more than that. So, yup. If that person reads this-- I'm sorry but you're wrong. Oh yeah, my ties aren't from Hot Topic, that was my brother's tie from when he was a little boy. I never buy ties, they're either my dad's or my brother's. Get your facts straight before you try to diss. And if it's not me, sorry but it sure as hell is ironic that that came up a few days after my new photos.

Anyways, why did I take new photos like that? How about, trying to be expressive. I wanted to see how I'd look like with a lip ring before I got one, why? Because I actually want one to express myself. Because this exterior goody-goody isn't what is true. I'm a rebel, you should have heard my mom bitch about my friend's lip ring-- it made me want to get one even more just to tick her off, because she wouldn't shut up. And maybe if I don't suit her standards as a perfect daughter, she wouldn't talk to me as much. Ohh, yay. -_- ha ha ha.

I don't dress that way at school. Nope, not at all. It's something I do on my free time when I get into this odd mood. If you haven't noticed, yes I'm a bit depressed nowadays. It's hard to explain but eh, whatever. Life goes on. In the words of Kurt Vonnegut, "So it goes". Sadly I'm not talking about death but eh, Slaughterhouse V is a good book :D.

Andd off to school feeling like a sick person :D Yayy. My stomach is refusing everything.

I Just Want You

This has to be the cutest song ever ; or cutest English song~ heh

------------


The song kind of explains how I feel towards..someone haha~

I can't believe how much I really like him (No, not the guy who sings the song! haha). Although it's even hard for me to talk to him, not only because I become nervous as ever and butterflies seem to multiply in my stomach exponentially, I still like him. His smile and his shy personality, it's so adorable, but I'm so afraid that I'll slip up; and knowing me, I will.

I'm up late, playing Bejeweled on my iPod until I knock out because I just can't stop thinking. I wish there were a button that I can just switch off, that will re activate in 5 hours so I can still function for school (which I hate still. I'm falling asleep in classes again~ Yay sleep deprivation D:). But yeah, that's about it!~ Heh~

Gosh Darnnit

I'm so freaking tired!

That is all.

Just kidding. I was up until midnight since I lost track of time while NOT doing my essay-- I was sidetracked with random thoughts. *sigh* If I let this keep going, oi what am I going to end up as?! It's so hard @__@ My essay doesn't even make sense D: Damn Pride and Prejudice :/ *Sigh*

Well, I have to head to school now. I'm so tired, you have no idea T_T

-edit-
Anyways, I love this song (: