...

rawr.

FML.

FUCK MY LIFE.

Enough said! I'm so fuckin' stressed over everything.


Why does EVERY SINGLE THING I DO seem to BLOW UP IN MY FACE?

Just watch, next thing you know-- I wont be able to go to college.


Fuck, my mom is leaving next week to Vietnam to visit my grandpa who is sick and may be dying...so she may not make it to my graduation.

Prom plans just blew up in my face today b/c of a complication

AX shit is coming up and i'm realy freakin' stressed

AP testing next week and week after that.

I'll deal with it myself, so please do not bother me about this -___-;...

I have enough going on in my life already.

Why does it seem that I'm never happy for long?

Kkthnxbye.

Rawrs~! :3

Hmm well, did anyone know how hard it is to find a clutch!? Yesterday I went to the mall to help Cynthia out with getting the rest of the stuff for prom (She needed shoes and a clutch, but we couldn't find clutches--anywhere!). I may end up borrowing one from my friend, but for Cynthia I'm not quite sure yet :/ I'll probably try to find one today since I'll be heading to Cerritos with Peter and Jason to pay for picture deposits.

I got Vincent's tie (: and it matches just about perfectly! So awesome x] . Downside is I just found out he doesnt have a vest D: lol. I'm asking Jason if Vincent can borrow his so maybe it would work out, since I'm not sure if it'll fit him or not. but yeah~

Prom stuff is set (: i'm so excited!

Normality~ :D

New layout, and I'm all back to normal ;emotionally & all you know? :D

I'm happy again (: like super happy! I'm excited for Prom, Hollywood Bowl, Epik High (although this is pending, I really want to go still! Gotta talk to Keii Nii-San!) and I'm even going to have a real job soon! Peter oppa is going to try to get me a job at his Mom's Korean restaurant as a cashier (: Oh my my! I can't wait!~ I'd only be working Fridays and Saturdays for 4 hour shifts, but that's still great for me. It wouldn't conflict with schoolwork or anything, and yay-- I'd get paid. Haha~ ^w^

Prom plans have straightened themselves out! We have a group of 18 people! For some odd reason though, other groups kept on trying to merge into ours lately! I'm like, the heyyy!? NO! D:< We sorted everything out and it's not our fault you guys decided to go last minute and were bailed out on or something >_<; Not to be mean, but Jason and I did not bust our butts of trying to sort everything out perfectly to adjust them again for other people who we had no intention of joining us in the first place! Hmph~! >_>;~ But yeah~ It's only one week away! How excitingggggggggggg! x] I gotta buy my date his tie first though >_O and if you guys are like "HUH? You're buying his tie?" Well, I know the dress color best and...he's not from my school xD SO I'm being nice to a guest! I ordered my corsage on Wednesday~ and it's going to be orchids <3 Eii I love orchids! (:

What else is going on? Nothing really, the triad just ended for my school...next week is state testing so easy week~ Only 30 more days or so for seniors! Ahh~ I'm going to graduate soon! Bye bye highschool~ farewell immature retarded undergrads at CHS! I'll miss my friends though, but the rest idgaf! haha oh wow how mean of me :x but it's truee~ :x :x Mm Senioritus has gotten to me horridly aiyoo~~ *flaps around* rawr xD

I think that's it :3 until next time! x]

Mina's Party~

Early celebration for her 18th birthday. Mina's so prettyy!
"Semi Formal" but I think my dress was too formal @_@
Eii pictures. my arms are fat.




From when I got home ; lols i look dead tired. and yeah my mirror's dirtyy ahha

Today was...

weird. or atleast it was during the afternoon.

it was suprising, because i finally saw him-- outta nowhere.
more like, he called me and was like "i'm on my way over, are you home?"
so yeah we "talked", not really talked.

i asked questions & got no answers
he had nothin to say except,

"sorry i was a jerk."
It didn't even sound sincere to be truthful. He couldnt even look me in the eyes.

"i dont want you to care about me"
And also, "I don't want anyone to care about me because I don't give a fuck about them either."

"I hate everyone, not just you"
Because I had asked that, it's completely logical that I hate him-- but why does he hate me/cuss me out on his AIM profile/ diss me/ shit like that.

"I dont even know who my real friends are"
"I'm just using them to escape, i dont really know them"
Then what's the point? You fuckin' user. You goddamn low life. He said his "life is bad" yet "escaping" makes things better? By now, he should know, ignorance and putting things off does not fix anything at all.

"it's best that you forget me, it's been a while-- unless you're just too obsessed with me still"
Still? Okay Love = obsession, in his mind. alrighty fuck that. i never was obsessed, I just cared like a human beingg. oh yeah that's right, sue me for being human.

"I dont blame you for hating me, i hate myself. i wish i didnt exist."
Then go commit suicide, hoe -_-;

"I deleted you off facebook, and soon off myspace."
How immature can you get? Think about it, if you have to DELETE me to FORGET ME, that's just like saying "I'M NOT OVER YOU, I CANT SEE HER FACE OR MAYBE I'LL REMEMBER EVERYTHING". You didn't just delete me, he deleted my friends too. This makes no sensee, you couldn't even look me in the fuckin' eye. Looked at the floor and around you during the entire time.

"You can move on if you want, and i'll just stay here and probably regret everything"
ANd thsi means? what? fuck you, that's right. regret it all-- you let a great girl go. I'm not being conceited, but hell I wasted my time, my feelings and so much more on him.

So, nothing makes sense-- when I thought it'd make more sense. But whatever, fuck him. This kind of person really isn't worth my time.

Never had I met someone so goddamn selfish and stupid and like blah wow -0- wtf ness mang. But whatever, this is over with and done.

Yeah, I was happy with him, before I knew his true colors. HOw will everyone else react when they see him at his worst? He has no one, he HAD me, I had told him I'd always be ther efor him-- but I did tell him straight up, no more. ANd he was like "good". Fine, go die and have no one care. Because now, I don't.

We can't even be friends, it's not even logical to me that we can't be friends. However, to him he just doesn't want to be "friends", he doesn't know what "friends" are or who they are. What a fucking fag.

PIctures tomorrow; i didnt take that many today
to be truthful, had a bit of beer haha-- turned a bit red so yeahh
not manyy pictures from the party but whatever.
night yo.

SUPER RANT!

Okay, week one back from spring break is over. I have been slacking off so much this week trying to get back into my studious mode haha. By this weekend, I'll be back on track; I hope lol~ Hmm, what's going on lately? Well tomorrow I have a friend's semi-formal birthday party to go to (: I couldn't get her a large gift... but it's a cute top and I hope she likes it >_O and hopefully she doesn't have it already haha @__@;~ I have a cute yellow dress and such to wear (: I'm excited! I haven't dressed up in a while. For sure, I will have photos tomorrow night or Sunday morning for you all (PST time I mean xD And by morning = about 2 hours after I wake up? haha~)

Anyways, what went on this week. Let me tell you-- DRAMA! Prom season has officially started, as my school's prom tickets are now on sale. I asked my friend from Troy with tennis balls on a fence that spelled out PROM? And then tehre was a heart...that was totally not my fault at all. Haha, Peter, Henry, Jason and Lloyd helped me out with that (: But yah he said yes and I'm pretty excited for it.

However, for the past few weeks ; about two weeks or so? Jason, Peter and I were searching frantically for a date for my best friend. It was really hard, because well 1, she's damn tall and there's not that many tall guys, and 2 we had to find someone who would be comfortable in our group. When I told her that the guy we settled on as her date was David, one of my good oppas who is a good friend of mine and the majority of those in the group, she started freaking out.

Her exact words? "DAVID? EWWWWWW BUt he's a PERVERT. I dont want to go with a PERVERT and like.. he's...kinda fat too. I dont wanna go with a pervert!"

I'm just like, What the fuck-- you are NOT in the position to be CHOOSY about this. And hello? YOu just DISSED A FRIEND OF MINE. You only thought he was a pervert because you don't know him at all. You know of him, and his funny side ; which duh-- guys being funny always has sexual innuendos and such, they're guys-- they're naturally perverted like that. What she said to me about David is like, if I were a guy and if someone asked me to go to prom with her, it'd be something like "ANGELA? EW HER? SHe's so ANNOYING though and she's kinda MANLY looking and like EW no i dont want to go with her!"

But no, I kept it to myself. I'm more mature than that, I'm nice. Anyways, continuing-- she freaking opens her mouth and says the stpuidest thing I ever heard, but to her it was GENIUS. Oh , FYI, this was all happening in AP Chemistry class. "I just had a freaking light bulb moment! ANDREW do you want to go to prom with me?!"

So, after 2 weeks of busting my ass of trying to think of a date for her, she disses the person we had to agree to go with her and such already, and asks the FIRST GUY IN HER FACE-- literally ;and ANDREW? Does that ring a bell? Yeah, that's the SOPHOMORE that I went out in the fall. like WHAT THE HELL. Doesnt this break some best friend rule ? I don't like him-- for sure I can tell you that, but it's still what the hell. Any ex boyfriend who broke up with me on bad terms is hated by the majority of my friends. But Angela, can never ever understand that. She never even understood the break up! She said I WAS UNREASONABLE for being pissed because HE BROKE UP WITH ME on AIM for ANOTHER GIRL. That's right, you read it. Bullshit isn't it?

AND if she wanted to ask him she should've done so EARLIER, he sits RIGHT ACROSS FROM HER IN CHEM AND WE TALK ABOUT PROM EVERY OTHER DAY. ALSO, the fact that she called it a "light bolt moment/genius idea" offended me insanely. It wasn't smart at all. I wanted to smack her so hard that she'd maybe GET how it's a BAD IDEA.

How awkward is that going to be in the limo? And also since Angela is in our group, my oppa Howard doesn't want to be in our group sinc ehe can't stand Angela. I really wanted Howard to go with us too -_- fuckin' shit ya know? And the thing is, she doesn't see how pissed off I am. I ignore her and I don't want to talk to her but all she thinks is, "Why are you so tired and quiet?" not, "What's annoying you" Or "why are you pissed off" -- since normally she can TELL when i'm pissed off, but I guess her brain is so stupid now.

I was talking to Jazzy today because I was still mad, not only over this but over also how immature and spoiled Angela is. She was complaining in Chemistry about hwo she has a math midterm (college course) on Monday and her teacher said he'd pass out a study guide, yet hasn't yet. So she's bitching how she has no time to study due to her tournament and that the class was ruining her plans because her professor is lazy. In this case, if it were high school class, okay it'd suck for her. But it's COLLEGE, the REAL WORLD, and what do you do when it doesnt go your way? SUCK IT UP and fucking DEAL WITH IT. So she's like, "MY PROFESSOR IS SO LAZY UGH I HATE HIM. IT'S RUINING MY PLANS". My friend Beatriz, who sit next to us in Chemistry, said, "Then don't go to your badminton tournament and study." and Angela replied, "I'd rather fail then miss it!"

SO I'm like,"OKAY if you'd rather fail, then FAIL and SHUT UP and STOP COMPLAINING. LIFE DOESNT ALWAYS GO YOUR WAY"
and she was like, "NO. I WANT TO COMPLAIN. COLLEGE COURSES AREN'T SUPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS, I"VE BEEN IN OTHER ONES BEFORE"
I replied, "THEY'RE NOT THE SAME. SUCK IT UP"

SO she just, "PSH, whatever"-ed me and I was like what the fuck I'm going to slap you -_-. But if I did she'd KO me with her manly ass arms in a second.

I also realized that, she really is a user and relies on people and thinks they will always be there for her. I realized I've defended her a lot over the years that I've known her-- and that we're polar opposites. And also, in additoin to this-- she is UNGRATEFUL yet DEPENDENT. I'm DISRESPECTED and i'm so fed up with it.

We talked about cars and how someone wouldn't need one freshman year if dorming on campus. Since, the first year you just have to get to know the surroundings. You don' tknow what's going on much around there-- so you kinda just float around and get to know the places. Yet she was like, "Yeah but if you awnt to go somewhre you ask a friend and ask them to take you." Beatriz and I were like, "Well that's kinda rude, they're not your chauffer." And she was like "But then that means they're---" She paused, and i Know her well enough she was going to say "They're not you're friend" but she paused it and was like "they're not.........nice....then..."

So yes, I am ticked at this "best friend" of mine who I clearly cared about more than she did for me. I'm done-- and even others agree that we can kick her outta hte limo gropu. If this keeps up, that's what's going to happen. She depends on me way too much and when I'm gone-- she's going to die. Should I show her the harshness of the real world already? Or do I wait until she crumbles later in life when something really doesn't go her way? Fuck, I'm so pissed GGGRAWRRRRR.


/end rant

idk.

lol spring break is over
i'm sad ]: school tomorrow
but i cant sleep @___@ time to be dead tomorrow woo

-edit

so i'm having a stupid relapse.
being stupid; obviously...and here's lewis
tryin to cheer me up haha
made me laugh.

Lewis: im sure
Lewis: he hasnt ever seen a girl like you before
Lewis: and he doesnt know how to handle it
Lewis: its like giving a special ed kid a ton of pure diamond
Lewis: he doesnt know wtf to do with it
Lewis: hes like "yayyyy diamond der hur hur"
Lewis: but thats it


Lol.

I hate him.

Hmm, well anyways. I hate him; and I don't think I'll ever stop hating him. Everything that once was is no more, I know that-- and I know I dont like him because he's just a freakin' jerk right now. Sadly, even I don't understand why I bother with any of this-- no one does. Maybe it's because, to me, I don't like losing people, period. Through everything, I don't want to lose anyone. A friend can backstab me, and turn back into an acquaintance-- but not someone who is completely out of my life. To put it simply, I guess I cherish everything and everyone a bit too much; I get too attached, no matter what.

Well my freakin' bad for caring about your stupid jerk ass. I'm damn sorry that I fucking worry about how you're doing and if something is going wrong in your life, I apologize for trying to help and console you where I just piss you off. And you say, everything pisses you off? Oh I believe not, your "Friends"? When we first met, you said you had no true friends-- they all used you. And to add to that, I'm the least of your concerns? THE LEAST OF YOUR CONCERNS? FUCK, WHAT THE HELL YOU BITCH. Obviously, you really did try to just forget me, like we never met.

I'm glad I scratched your ugly face off my Purikura picture on my phone. I wish I did it in real life though, since nothing matters to you any more-- your face wouldn't matter either. Your apperance wouldnt matter, your car wouldn't matter, nothing would matter. You yell at me for being so fuckin' techincal, well obviously-- I know for sure YOU don't understand and YOU don't know who I AM AT ALL.

No exact date, no exact time. No matter what-- I'm going to blow your damn mind away and make you regret everything. You're going to look back, and I'm going to be one of those things that will be gone, and never return. Atleast, never return on your side.

RANT! ]:

First off, this is for Emiliez dearest~ Sorry for the lateness on this xD

Okay well I'm FINALLY on spring break! In school, I'm doing quite alright. Spanish dropped a bit since well, I don't get Spanish..but it's still a high B+ so I can work it back up to an A- soon. AP Lit is just... blah retarded. I hate that class, so I slack off. I can deal with one B. AP Chemistry worked up to an A-! Yay yay <3 Thanks to presentations instead of tests haha. AP Econ is a super high A+ because I did well on tests until Thursday. BUT He's letting us do a make-up test and such so, that's better. And AP Stats is super awesome! I understand the class, it's great haha. I'm doing WONDERFUL in a MATH CLASS and I LIKE IT! Haha (:

Other than that, the rest of my life is drama. I feel so empty lately, and even a bit depressed. Maybe because of the whole "break up" thing still. He finally unblocked me from AIM but I hate it...because NOW he explains after 4 weeks, and this drama could've been avoided if he had just tried. I hate how he put the blame on me-- and hurt me like crazy because of it. Although he said he never meant to intentionally hurt me-- and said it was my fault because I "liked him too much", well I'm freakin' sorry I like someone who was my boyfriend. WHy else would he have been my boyfriend? I felt freakin' worthless, and I cried my eyes out when we talked again, on AIM and basically "finalized" the break up. (If you want to read the convo, ask and I'll send it to you. Because I really don't even care *sigh*). I hate how he didn't try at all...that he was being selfish and now everything doesn't click.

He says he's busy, with drama, and has to focus. Yet he's still hanging out with other friends, going to school dances with other girls, partying with friends, going to barbeques and such-- yet he says it's too costly to come visit me...when I could fair enough, pay for his visits to see me (I had always offered, he had always rejected) and you know what, even a long distance relationship would've worked. But he said it "wouldn't be the same" and now he "has no time for relatoinships" yet he has time to fool around with friends and shit. Hell

Why do I even care so much? I hate the fact that I care so much about his dumb ass, when I know it's not worth it. It's not worth it to worry or to ask how he is or to care..but I still do. Maybe because I'm still hoping I can be friends with him-- yet part of me doesn't want to even see him anymore. What is wrong with me...

He even gets mad for me just to wonder how he is. Just to check up on him. I guess he doesn't want to be friends either. What the helllll is up with this. I hate this. I hate him. I hate myself for caring still. Goddammit... I can't wait until I can forget this.