M E M O R I A L ; making.

I couldn't sleep until I basically knocked out...which I think was around midnight. Woke up around 4AM...so yeah. Victor, man we all miss you. Retard, come back. But we all know that you won't be coming back...Today was hard without you. It's so unrealistic that it's hard to believe. Nothing will take your place. There will be a void in the tangible part of our lives, but you're always going to be in our hearts, minds, thoughts and even dreams. No haunting us though you butthead, this is already like a nightmare.

I cried in the morning...it was pretty crazy. We all just gathered up (Me, kevin, david wang, andy, howard...i cant remember all right now) and stood/sat there...in a circle. Some cried, even nii san. I tried to stop crying, since I had been crying nonstop for so long...So eventually I did for a few minutes when I was talking to Q (He actually, I think he sensed something was wrong with me-- but I dont know. More on Q stuff later.)

Went back to my group, gave them all hugs-- and then headed to first period. This is the stupid shit. I still was crying-- I couldnt stop. Angela gave me a hug and Cyn was crying too.. There was the announcement from the principal and it was something like this...

"I am sorry to announce that Victor Wang, an eleventh grader at Claremont High, passed on Saturday night. Many of you may have known Victor, and if you want to talk or take some time out of class, we have extra counselors here to help. Simply tell your teacher and leave....oh and....Happy St. Patrick's Day."

What. The. Fuck. HAPPY ST PATRICK'S DAY?! HE DARE SAY HAPPY ST PATRICK'S DAY?! He is SO inhuman and insensitive! He went to all of Victor's classes and started repeating what he said like, "I know it's hard to cope with death (OBVIOUSLY). IF you need to talk then we have counselors...SOOOOOOO...yeah" He really said "so, yeah" -_-; how damn rude.

During third period, Nii-san got me out of class to work on a memorial project for Victor. We worked with what we had, which were pictures of him from his facebook and pasted (or well taped) it on red paper. Red was his favorite color. We made a total of four mosaic like posters for him. In addition to this, we wanted to get him flowers-- but at first the damn principal was like "I'd rather you not. Do it after school". Like WHAT THE HELL. Our friend DIED and you wont even let us go get FLOWERS to honor him!? Angela Su ended up sneaking off campus and buying them anyways. The total was over 100 is what she said. I pitched in 40. I think it was so expensive since we bought the vases also so yeah...

We brought the posters out at lunch and pasted two up near the library, one near the door of his favorite teacher, Senor Burke (Who ended up crying also...it was really sad), and one on the tree near the area where he sat for lunch. We sat around that area, not many of us ate , i think maybe only two or something did. We simply sat there quietly, signing cards and boards that we brought for messages. After lunch, we blew up a bunch of balloons just for him. 17 of each color ; red, black and white. We wanted to tie them around the tree but the stupid ass principal was like "Oh no you cant, people will come and cut them and they'll go flying into the sky and that'll be bad for the environment." -__- when the hell was he an environmentalist? Fucking bullshit man.

The principal kept on asking us, every time he came around "How are you guys doing?" we all glared at him, and then when we didnt reply he was like, "YOu did all you could". No, we didn't. You fucking stopped us Mr. O' fucking COCK -_-; well his real name is Mr. O'Connor but fuck that. Sounds like he's damn Irish-- no wonder huh. Wanted St Patrick's day to be HAPPY just cuz he's RACIST i bet BAH!

Because of Victor's death, i really value the time with my friends. I even gave Q a hug (second time i've hugged him since i met him). But it was awkward, like he didn't understand. MY eyes were like bloody red from all the crying..but he didn't understand. This is where I move on. No more waiting I guess, if things go well then they go well, if not then they don't. I think I like someone else now...

Working together on this memorial brought us together. Those who worked on the memorial shared so many stories about him, regardless of how little we all talked to each other. There was a bond, there was support for everyone. After I had stopped crying, I ended up smiling, trying to comfort the rest. It was really hard to smile, but Victor wouldn't want us to be sad. I kept saying that, I bet you it's true.

Other things ticked me off today. These fucking Korean bitches DARE to take his death as an excuse to get out of class. They didn't even KNOW him. They just wanted to get out of learning. They didn't even help. They fucking sat in their damn lunch spot and hung out talking about random shit. Show some fucking respect bitches...imma kick their ass...we're all jumping whoever disrespects victor.

Today brought out the worse of me, but also the best to an extent...

Today was really unreal. Like a horrid nightmare...but it's reality. I miss you so much Victor, it's only been two days...things wont be the same. <3 rest in peace.