be true..

to myself...

i will:
quit hiding the secrets.
quit pretending to be something i'm not.
not smile if i'm not happy.
accept the fact that i have issues.
accept that i am so bipolar
accept the fact that the guy i like will not like me back.

and move on.

it's hard, it really is.
i cant find any reason to get out of bed
i cant find any reason to go to sleep before 10...
i no longer wnat to work or study...
i would just like to run away...
but i can't.
my legs wont move.
i dont have the courage.

so i'll just sit here, and start drinking.
dont worry i know my limits.
and yeah, dont freaking go all crazy on me cuz of this
it'll make things worse....

i dont care what people think anymore.
except for that one person...

it's odd. i have great friends (unnies, ummanie, umma <3, nii-san)
but there's still that empty void
that can be filled only by a guy
that loves me for who i am
who is there like all my other friends
but has another addition to his bond with me.

i dont have anything lke that in my life
at this moment, or maybe even ever.
i dont have a motivation to get better.
i dont think anything bad will come if i do worse.
there's no one of that importance to push me further.

love, between friends-- i have.
love, like...boyfriend and girlfriend...
i lack...and it hurts so much....
that no one understands...